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The Store next Door is the storefront next to Bob's Burgers on the opposing side from Mort's It's Your Funeral Home & Crematorium. Similar to "It's Your Funeral," this storefront also features clever word play, but unlike the Belchers' long-time steady neighbor Mort, it is a revolving door of businesses, often so temporary the sign is crudely painted on a cloth banner. A different business is shown to occupy this storefront in every episode, and thus it is one of the running gags in the show. The following is a list of these doomed ventures:
|"People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals" - a play on the organization P.E.T.A.
Secondary sign: "Meat is Murder"
|Fugue and Riffs|
|Secondary sign: "FOR LEASE"|
|"People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals" - a play on the organization P.E.T.A.
Secondary sign: "Meat is Murder"
Trot's All Natural Fertilizer
|Play on "the trots," an alternative name for diarrhea|
RENT REDUCED: Crime Scene Special
Secondary sign: "CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS" (crime scene tape)
|Sexy Dance Fighting|
Meth I Can! Methadone Clinic
|Play on the motivational phrase "Yes I Can!"|
|Hamburger Dinner Theater|
SYNTHESIZERS! SYNTHESIZERS! SYNTHESIZERS!
|Undoubtedly one of Gene's favorite, as he himself owns and frequently uses a synthesizer.|
|Sheesh! Cab, Bob?|
Extra Moist Yoga
|Store name could possibly be "Extra Moist Yogurt," however "Yoga" seems to be more likely.|
|Bed & Breakfast|
The Horse Renderer
|Play on the book/film "The Horse Whisperer."|
ATTEMPTED CRÊPE French Cooking School
|Somewhat distasteful play on "Attempted rape."|
|Spaghetti Western & Meatballs|
STD B-Gone! FREE CLINIC
|Play on the classic consumer product marketing technique of adding "B-Gone" or "B-Gon" to the subject matter the product is advertized to remove, get rid of, or turn off. For example: Ortho's "Weed-B-Gon" weed killer and "Bug-B-Gon" insect killer; the "TV-B-Gone" universal remote TV "off-switch"|
ROCKY REFUGE RACCOON SANCTUARY
|Play on the song by the Beatles entitled "Rocky Raccoon."|
|Weekend at Mort's|
Bass Drum Emporium
|Secondary sign: "THE ONLY 24-HOUR DRUM SHOP IN TOWN!"|
MAGNUM G.I. COLONOSCOPIES
|Play on the title of the TV series "Magnum P.I." Linda is a huge fan of actor Tom Selleck, the star of this series.|
Uncle Marty's Breast Pumps
|Bob Day Afternoon|
HANNIBAL'S DEAD ANIMALS TAXIDERMY
|Sign includes mounted buck's head.|
POOKAH PAGODA POOKAH SHELL WAREHOUSE
A FRIDGE TOO FAR USED APPLIANCES
|Play on the book/film "A Bridge Too Far"
Secondary sign: CLEARANCE SALE
That's Improv-able Improv Theater
|Play on "That's Improbable."
Secondary sign: TICKETS ON SALE NOW
STICKERS FOR MEN
Secondary sign: NOW OPEN
Grindecologist Coffee Shop
|Play on Gynecologist
Secondary sign: SALE
Valley of the Doilies
|Play on the book/film "Valley of the Dolls"
Secondary sign: SALE 50% OFF
Yes, Wire Hangers!
Play on the "No wire hangers!" line from Mommie Dearest.
Secondary sign: Wire Hanger-shaped sign: OPEN
ANNIE GET YOUR GUM
|Play on "Annie Get Your Gun"
Secondary sign: Gumball machine-shaped sign: OPEN
YEAR-ROUND HALLOWEEN STORE
Secondary sign: CLOSED FOR HALLOWEEN / ASK ABOUT OUR MASKS
|Bob Fires the Kids|
I'D HIT THAT BOXING GYM
|Play on the phrase "I'd hit that."
Secondary sign: BOXING LESSONS
|Mutiny on the Windbreaker|
Simply the Asbestos
|Play on the phrase "Simply the best"
Secondary sign: House-shaped sign: FREE QUOTES
|An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal|
Secondary sign: GET YOUR THANKSGIVING BALONEY NOW
BUTT STUFF UNDERWEAR OUTLET
|Play on the sexual reference "Butt stuff."
Secondary sign: Men's brief-shaped sign
Wigs Wigs Wigs! (And Socks)
Secondary sign: Buy 1 wig get 1 sock FREE!
|The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene|
Talk To The Hand Glove Store
|Play on the phrase "Talk to the hand."
Secondary sign: Glove-shaped sign: OPEN
|God Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins|
Cane You Dig It? CANDY CANE OUTLET
|Play on the phrase "Can you dig it?"
Secondary sign: NO LICKY-LOOS (play on "Looky-Loos")
|Mother Daughter Laser Razor|
Does Your Face Hurt? BEAUTY SUPPLIES
|Play on the insult "Does your face hurt? Because it's killing me."|
SCROTO-ROOTER VASECTOMY CLINIC
|Play on "Roto-Rooter."
Secondary sign: HALF OFF / NEXT VISIT (scissors bisecting)
|Broadcast Wagstaff School News|
THAT'S A-DOOR-A-BELL DOORBELLS
|Play on "That's adorable."
Secondary sign: PLEASE KNOCK
|My Fuzzy Valentine|
KOOKAH FOR HOOKAH
Play on the phrase "I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!"
Secondary sign: Hookah-shaped sign: OPEN
LET'S SCISSOR! COLLAGE STUDIO
|Play on the sex act "scissoring."
Secondary sign: Scissor-bearing sign: OPEN
|O.T. The Outside Toilet|
EARTH, WIND & TIRES
|Play on the band "Earth, Wind, & Fire."|
ELLIOT'S SMELLY BITS POTPOURRI SHOP
Secondary sign: YOU SMELT IT WE DEALT IT (play on the phrase "He who smelt it, dealt it.")
|Two for Tina|
FERN, BABY, FERN! DISCOUNT FERN STORE
|Play on the phrase "Burn, baby, burn!"|
|It Snakes a Village|
MILES OF VIALS
Secondary sign: Vial-shaped sign: OPEN
THE MASSAGONYST MASSAGES FOR MEN
|Play on the term "Misogyny," which is the hatred or dislike of women or girls.|
|The Kids Run the Restaurant|
NOTHIN' BUT NOTARIES
|Play on the phrase "Nothin' but net."
Secondary sign: Notary seal press-shaped sign
|Boyz 4 Now|
BREAK-A-BEAR TEDDY BEAR DISPOSAL
|Play on the "Build-A-Bear" stores|
SIT AND SPIN POTTERY
|Play on the insult/toy "Sit and spin."
Secondary sign: Pottery vase-shaped sign: OPEN
OUR CARPETS MATCH OUR DRAPES HOME FURNISHINGS
|Play on the phrase "Does the carpet match the drapes?" referring to hair color vs pubic hair color.|
|A River Runs Through Bob|
TANDEMONIUM ALL YOUR TANDEM BIKE NEEDS
|Play on the words "Pandemonium" and "Tandem."
JOHNNY RAZOR'S TOTALLY NORMAL CANDY STORE
|Reference to the product tampering scare of the early to mid 1980s which led to the safety seals now found on all packaged consumable products. One of the original urban myths associated with this scare involved rumors of razor blades embedded in apples handed out to trick-or-treaters at Halloween.|
DON'T GO THERE Cautionary Sign Store
|Somewhat ironic word play - cautionary sign store where the store's sign is, itself, a cautionary sign warning customers not to patronize the establishment.
|My Big Fat Greek Bob|
WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING DISCOUNT PET APPAREL
|Play on the phrase "A wolf in sheep's clothing."|
|Turkey in a Can|
DR. RANGELOVE STOVE STORE
Play on the title of the Stanley Kubrick film "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb"
The leaves on the tree are orange in this intro.
|Secondary sign: Machete-shaped sign: OPEN|
|Bob and Deliver|
YADDA YADDA DADA JEWISH SURREALIST ART GALLERY
|Play on the phrase "Yadda yadda yadda" (popularly attributed to Yiddish). It is combined with a reference to dadaism, an early 20th century European art movement which laid the foundation for Surrealism.|
|Christmas in the Car|
NOG NOG WHO'S THERE? EGG NOG
Play on the knock-knock joke opener "Knock-knock. Who's there?"
Snow is falling during this intro, and there is a small amount of accumulation on the sidewalk, mailbox, and building. The tree in front of the store has lost its leaves for the winter.
Secondary sign: String of Christmas lights
TANKIN' IT TO THE STREETS TANK TOP SHOP
|Play on The Doobie Brothers' song "Takin' It to the Streets"
CATS A RISING STAR PET IMPROV
|Play on the "Catch A Rising Star" chain of comedy clubs, which is itself a play on the song "Catch A Falling Star"
|Easy Com-mercial, Easy Go-mercial|
PUT OUT YOUR FIRE WITH FLAIR
|Play on "Fire Extinguishers"|
|The Frond Files|
NORTH BY NORTH VEST
|Play on the Alfred Hitchcock film "North by Northwest"
QUILTY AS CHARGED QUILT SHOP
|Play on the phrase "Guilty as charged."
CARL'S PRE-OWNED INDOOR OUTHOUSES
|Secondary sign: Outhouse-shaped sign:OPEN|
|The Kids Rob a Train|
Brazilianaire CURRENCY EXCHANGE & WAXING SALON
|A portmanteau of "Brazilian wax" - a style of pubic hair removal for women - and "billionaire"|
|I Get Psy-chic Out of You|
NAPOLEON'S COMPLEXION: SKIN CARE FOR LITTLE PEOPLE
|A portmanteau of the term "Napoleon Complex" and "complexion."|
Play on the word "diarrhea"
Secondary Sign: "Explosive Sale!"
GET A LOOM YOU TWO! COUPLES' WEAVING
|Play on the phrase "Get a room you two!"|
|The Kids Run Away|
A UNICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO TANDEM UNICYCLES
|Play on the "a bicycle built for two" lyrics from the song "Daisy Bell (Bicycle Built for Two)" written in 1892 by Harry Dacre.|
|Gene It On|
THE NIGHTLIGHT ZONE
|Play on the title of the TV series The Twilight Zone.|
|Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I)||As part one of the two-part season 4 finale, this episode marked the first in the series not to feature the regular opening sequence and its running gags.
The title of the episode is a play on the title of Michael Morpurgo's 1982 children's novel War Horse, and its 2011 film adaptation.
|World Wharf II: The Wharfening (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part II)||As part two of the two-part season 4 finale, this episode along with part one doesn't feature the regular opening sequence and its running gags.
The title of the episode is a play on "World War II." The subtitle, "The Wharfening," is a play on the title of the second film in the Highlander film franchise, Highlander II: The Quickening.
|Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl||This is one of only seven episodes in the series not to feature the regular opening sequence and its running gags.
Instead, the front of Wagstaff School is shown. Unlike the "World Wharf" episodes, there is no caption displaying the title.
|Tina and the Real Ghost||This is one of only seven episodes in the series not to feature the regular opening sequence and its running gags.
Instead, the front of Wagstaff School is shown. Like the previous episode, there is no caption displaying the title.
|Friends with Burger-fits|
GIFT RAPPERS FREESTYLE GIFT WRAPPING
|A play on "Gift Wrappers" and "Freestyle Rapping.|
|Dawn of the Peck||This is one of only seven episodes in the series not to feature the regular opening sequence and its running gags.
The title of the episode is a play on title of the 1978 zombie-horror film "Dawn of the Dead" - which was also remade in 2004.
FLIP YOUR WIG REVERSIBLE HAIRPIECES
|Father of the Bob|
MIRACLE ON 34TH SHEETS SHEETS AND BEDDING IN 34 COLORS
|A play on the film "Miracle on 34th street".|
|Tina Tailor Soldier Spy|
RUDE A-BAKE-ENING, CAKES FOR PEOPLE YOU HATE!
|A play on "Rude Awakening.|
CAT-LIKE REFLUXES FELINE GASTROENTEROLOGIST
|A play on "Cat-like reflexes".|
I'VE GOT CRABS HERMIT CRAB EMPORIUM
|A reference to pubic lice, which are commonly called "crabs," and often mistakenly referred as an STD, when in fact they are simply a parasite related to head lice. This is the same storefront later seen in the episode "Can't Buy Me Math" - the only instance of a storefront being repeated. The Pest Control Truck is also the same in these episodes.|
|Late Afternoon in the Garden of Bob & Louise|
TAKES ALL RINDS COMPOSTING CENTER
|A play on "Takes all kinds."|
|Can't Buy Me Math|
I'VE GOT CRABS HERMIT CRAB EMPORIUM
|A reference to pubic lice, which are commonly called "crabs," and often mistakenly referred as an STD, when in fact they are simply a parasite related to head lice. This is the same storefront previously seen in the episode "Speakeasy Rider" - the only instance of a storefront being repeated. The Pest Control Truck is also the same in these episodes.|
|The Millie-Churian Candidate|
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE RUTH BASEBALL CARDS
|A combination of a play on the famous quote "You can't handle the truth!" by Jack Nicholson's character in the A Few Good Men, and a reference to legendary baseball star "Babe Ruth."|
|The Gayle Tales|
A TON IN THE OVEN BIG AND TALL BABY CLOTHES
|A play on the phrase "a bun in the oven " - referring to a pregnancy.|
|Li'l Hard Dad|
BABY GOT BACK PROBLEMS PHYSICAL THERAPY
|A play on the 1992 Sir Mix-A-Lot song "Baby Got Back."|
|Adventures In Chinchilla-Sitting|
LADY AND THE CLAMP HARDWARE FOR HER
|A play on the title of the 1955 Disney film "Lady and the Tramp" - which was itself a play on the title of the 1937 show tune "The Lady Is a Tramp" - most famously recorded by Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald in 1950s, and recently (in 2011) covered by Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett.|
|The Runway Club|
SHELFIES PICTURES OF SHELVES
|A play on the 2010's photo craze "selfies".|
|The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee|
CUPID'S STUPID DIVORCE ATTORNEYS
|A play on the 1958 song "Stupid Cupid" by Connie Francis. The song has been covered by several artists, including Patsy Cline, Maureen Evans, Queen, Neil Sedaka (who wrote the original version), and Mandy Moore for The Princess Diaries soundtrack.|
|Eat, Spray, Linda|
A SIGHT FOR SORE THIGHS MASSAGE PARLOR
|A play on the phrase "a sight for sore eyes" - meaning a person or thing that one is extremely pleased or relieved to see.|
MEET THE PATENTS PATENT ATTORNEY
|A play on title of the the 2000 film "Meet The Parents" (or possibly, but unlikely the 1993 version).|
|Hawk & Chick|
THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH COUPLES DERMATOLOGY
|A play on the psychological term "seven-year itch," which suggests that happiness in a relationship declines after around year seven of a marriage, and the physical sensation that causes the desire or reflex to scratch.|
|The Oeder Games||This episode is one of only seven episodes in the series not to feature the regular opening sequence and its running gags.
Instead, a blank storefront is shown.
Secondary sign: "RETAIL SPACE AVAILABLE FOR LEASE"
There is no caption displaying the title in this episode.
THE OUTLET OUTLET ELECTRICAL STORE
|Homonym word play involving the following two uses of the word "outlet."
|The Land Ship|
RESISTING A REST SLEEP THERAPY
|A play on the criminal charge "resisting arrest."|
BLOOD BATH AND BEYOND BED BATH PRODUCTS
|A play on the name of the home goods chain store, "Bed Bath & Beyond."|
|Gayle Makin' Bob Sled|
MAXI PADS LARGE APARTMENT RENTALS
|A play on the feminine hygiene product.|
YOU'RE MISSING THE POINSETTIA
|A play on "You're missing the point."|
|The Cook, The Steve, The Gayle, & Her Lover|
BIDETS AND CONFUSED BIDETS FOR BEGINNERS
|A play on "Dazed and Confused" - a song originally released by Jack Homes in 1967. The Band "The Yardbirds" (along with English musician Jimmy Page) reworked the lyrics and came up with their own version, which was made famous in 1969 by Page's band "Led Zeppelin" in their eponymously-titled debut studio album. It is also the title of a 1993 cult-classic coming of age stoner-comedy film featuring a large ensemble cast of actors who would later become stars, including Matthew McConaughey, Ben Affleck, and Milla Jovovich.|
|The Gene and Courtney Show|
HAPPILY EVER ACTOR CASTING AGENCY
|A play on "Happily ever after" - a stock phrase in fairy tales signifying a happy ending.|
|Sexy Dance Healing|
ESCROW ZONE! ESCROW FOR KIDS
|In the U.S., escrow payment is a common term referring to the portion of a mortgage payment that is designated to pay for real property taxes and hazard insurance.
Suffice it to say, a child will *never* have to deal with this circumstance except in an absurdly rare occasion - which is why this particular venture will fail, and a different store will have replaced it by the time the next episode airs.
LITTLE SHOP OF HULAS
|A play on the 1986 film, "Little Shop of Horrors".|
|Lice Things Are Lice|
FOOTLOOSE PROSTHETIC ADJUSTMENTS
|A play on the 1984 movie, Footloose.|
|House of 1000 Bounces|
GRANNY PACKS LUGGAGE FOR SENIORS
|A play on fanny packs.|
|Stand by Gene|
I THINK THEREFORE I JAM PROFOUND PRESERVES
|A play on the René Descartes quote, "Cognito Ergo Sum" (I think therefore I am).|
|Wag the Hog|
THE WAY WE GRR DOG TRAINERS
|A play on 1973 movie, The Way We Were.|
REGRET ME NOT TATTOO
|A play on the phrase, "Forget Me Not".|
|Pro Tiki/Con Tiki|
DON'T STOP BEREAVING GRIEF COUNSELING
|A play on the Journey song, "Don't Stop Believing."|
|Bye Bye Boo Boo|
GET OFF MY BACK TRAMP STAMP REMOVALS
|A tramp stamp is a lower back tattoo.|
|The Horse Rider-er|
NICE KNOCKERS ELEGANT DOOR KNOCKERS
|A play on a euphemism for the female breasts.|
DON'T GO CHASING WATERBEDS
|A play on the TLC song, "Waterfalls."|
|Glued, Where's My Bob?|
100 CENT STORE
|A play on the fact that this is the 100th production episode of the show. Appears in the establishing shot rather than opening sequence.
Secondary Sign: 1% off sale. Which would make 99 cents.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAWED TOOLS FOR WOMEN
|Play on the phrase denoting a double entendre, "That's What She Said."|
|Sea Me Now|
PAIR OF DICE CITY DICE OUTLET
|Play on the Guns N’ Roses song "Paradise City."|
SAG ME TO HELL BRA BOUTIQUE
|Play on the movie Drag Me to Hell|
|They Serve Horses, Don't They?|
SEW-SEW AVERAGE NEEDLE POINT SUPPLIES
|Play on the phrase, "so-so".|
|Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?|
WAITERS GONNA WAIT RESTAURANT SUPPLIES
|Play on the phrase, "Haters gonna hate."|
LET'S GIVE 'EM STUFFING TO TALK ABOUT STUFFING EMPORIUM
|Play on the phrase, "Let's give 'em something to talk about."|
|The Last Gingerbread House on the Left||This is one of only seven episodes in the series not to feature the regular opening sequence and its running gags.
Instead, an exterior shot of Bob's Burgers at night with snow present appears with the caption "One Week Before Christmas."