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Original Songs

Season 1

Pirates of Panache

Cast of "Pirates of Panache" - Hamburger Dinner Theater

We drink, we loot, we rape, we shoot
We sing, we dance, we twirl, we prance
We're the Pirates of Panache

I Can't Stop

Linda Belcher and the robber - Hamburger Dinner Theater

(Linda:) You've got your money, now be on your way? (Robber:) Maybe I'll leave, and maybe I'll stay
Maybe it's the limelight, could be the singin'
(Linda:) 911 should be a-ringin'
(Robber:) But I can't stop
(Linda:) And neither can I

Sing in Key

Bob and Linda Belcher - Hamburger Dinner Theater

(Bob:) So I'm singin' words to a song I'm making up right now
(Linda:) 'Cause it's the singing that matters and not the song
(Bob:) So it's up to me
(Linda:) To
(Bob:) Sing
(Linda:) In
(Bob:) [High-pitched] Key
(Linda:) [attempting to harmonize with Bob] Key
(Bob:) -Ee
(Linda:) -Ee

Lifting Up the Skirt of the Night

John Roberts and H. Jon Benjamin - Sheesh! Cab, Bob?

Lifting up the skirt of the night
Look down, feel around, do what I do to get by
Pulling down the pants of the night
Don't laugh, it's not right, to make fun of the night

Lifting up the skirt of the night
Look down, feel around, do what I do to get by (Hold up, hold on now)
Pulling down the pants of the night (Look at those tight pants)
Don't laugh, it's not right, to make fun of the night

(vocalizes, laughs)

I Look At You

Unknown - Art Crawl

I look at you, I see in you
I see what's inside you

Butts, Butts, Butts

Unknown - Art Crawl

Butts, butts, butts, butts
Butts, butts, butts, butts
Our butts, our butts Our butts are beautiful
Butts, our butts, our butts are beautiful
Butts, our butts, our butts are beautiful
Butts, butts, butts

(Linda:) Anus, anus, anus!!! Nooooooooo!!!

Theme from "Banjo"

Loren Bouchard - Spaghetti Western and Meatballs

Banjo, Banjo
Doesn't play it for fun, he's just hiding his gun
Banjo, Banjo
His chaps made of leather, even in hot weather
Banjo (He's comin', gunnin' for ya)
Banjo (He's comin', strummin' for ya)
You can try to talk, but he don't give a pluck
Banjo (He's comin', gunnin' for ya)
Banjo (He's comin', strummin' for ya)
He's strumming for you
He's coming for you

Da Ding Ding (aka Three Sides Don't Make A Square)

Gene, Linda and Bob Belcher - Burger Wars

(Gene:) Da-ding-ding

  • Repeat several times*

Da-ding-ding-dong

a-dinga-a-dinga-a-dinga-a-ding

a-dinga-a-dinga-a-DOONG!

(Linda:) A ding-dong

Bobby go!

C'mon Bob, show us your ding-ding!

(Bob:) Ding-ding

Da-ding-ding

DADADADADADADADA-DING!

Weekend at Mort's

The Belcher Family - Weekend at Mort's

Weekend at Mort's
We're gonna have a weekend at Mort's
(Louise only) Uh! Uh! Uh!
Weekend at Mort's
We're gonna have a weekend at Mort's

Ziti Tonight

Jimmy Pesto - Weekend at Mort's

Try da ziti tonight
Oh, yeah it's on da special tonight
Oh look at...

Cannoli

Jimmy Pesto - Weekend at Mort's

Come on, everybody, Try our dessert
You gotta have a cannoli

Wingman

Ron - Lobsterfest

(Hugo:) What? I have a girlfriend? Bob's about to be thrown on to a shell pile? I've had this exact fantasy!
(Ron:) Come on, Hugo. If Bob hadn't been your wingman last night, you'd be another lonely guy in a satin sash.
(Hugo:) I was doing fine! I don't need a wingman!
(Ron:) Oh no?

Wingman, flying with the eagles
Wingman, he's trying to help you out
Wingman
Wingman
Wingman
Wingman
Wingman

Season 2

Taffy Butt

Cyndi Lauper - The Belchies

Teddy was right about the treasure
In the butt
The next day you will see
Taff is washed up on the beach

And, oh, my God, is that a gold bar?
The wave just washed him out far
The kids didn't look close enough
In the

Taffy butt.
You have a taffy butt.
There's treasure in that butt.
I want that taffy butt.
Ay yi yi yi yi!
Taffy butt.
It's such a... taffy butt!
There's gold there in that butt.

Give me some taffy butt.
Ay yi yi yi yi!

Taffy butt.
Oh, I want the taffy butt.
Give me, give me,
Give me some taffy butt.
Ay yi yi yi yi yah!

Getting Out of P.E.

Loren Bouchard, Nora Smith, Holly Schlesinger & Chris Maxwell - Synchronized Swimming

Gettin' out of P.E.
Gives us time to play on the street
First we lied to Mr. Frond
Now we're in a nail salon

Groping for Glory

John Roberts - Burgerboss

Close to the top!
Groping for glory, yeah
Sometimes in life you just gotta say, I don't give a damn, Ha-ha!
Groping the night away, yeah

Shoot your arrow in the sky
Tell the gods you'll never die
You're a real special guy

The towel's there, but don't throw it in
If you do, you cannot win
That's how rules work

Crawl up the mountain on hands and knees
It's stained with the blood of your enemies
Groping for glory

Sailing

Unknown - Burgerboss

La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, sailing

La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, sailing

La, la, la, la, la, la
S-S-S-S Sailing

Meet Me on the Road

Unknown - Food Truckin'

Meet me on the road, hauling quite a load
Taking lots of drugs, I don't know what
A-peein' in a jug, gettin' rest stop tugs
Might've hit a man, but didn't stop.

Oil Spill

Tabitha Johansson - Food Truckin'

Oh, it's hot and wet and slick
And it's making everybody sick

Oil spill

It's on the fish, it's on the crabs
Foul so close when you can grab this

Oil spill
Oil spill
Oil spill

The Prince of Persuasia

Prince of Persuasia - Dr. Yap

(The Prince:) Hello there, my brothers. I almost didn't see you. I am the Prince of Persuasia! There are three steps to persuading women.
Step number one: Trap your princess! Physically corner her in a room, and eventually, in your life.
Step two: Insult your princess! Insult her face, her body, her brain, her car! The lower her self-esteem, the higher your chances, bro! It's been biologically proven! By me!
Step three: Brag! Not lying, but close. Make up a story about how you singlehandedly murdered a wild animal. Your story is gonna release a hormone deep inside her body called "insatia". It makes women ovulate! For sex!

(Tina:) Interesting. Step one: Trap him. Playing hard to get, I see.

(The Prince:) Dress like her dad! It releases a hormone called "moan-a-tonin".
When you get into an elevator with a woman, press a higher number than her, and then make a big deal about it.
Push her in a lake.
Be one of the tallest guys in the bar and brag about how long your butt crack is.
Sing a song that you supposedly heard on the radio and make fun of her for not knowing it.
Use the word "idiot".
NEVER make her pancakes. Force her to make you pancakes in the middle of the night!

Bad Girls

Holly Schlesinger, Nora Smith and Loren Bouchard - Bad Tina, St. Vincent - Bob's Buskers link, (bold denotes parts only sung in episode)


Bad girls don't like to go to Dog Prom
and bad girls don't wanna pay for lip balm
I don't wanna be this bad
I don't wanna be this bad

Bad girls make mean announcements at lunch
and bad girls think that you're being a boob punch
I don't wanna be this bad
I don't wanna be this bad

Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!
Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!

Bad girls like to fight with their moms
and bad girls don't use pads as tampons
I don't wanna be this bad
I don't wanna be this bad

Bad girls don't wanna go to college
and bad girls rip off all your doll's heads
I don't wanna be this bad
I don't wanna be this bad

Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!
Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!

(spoken:) I was always the good girl, but then I fell in with the wrong crowd. Now I'm mouthing off to my mom and skipping school. Are the boys and their cute butts really worth all this? WATCH OUT!!!! (imitates rocket)

(sung:) Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!
Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!

Season 3

Candy!

Unknown - Full Bars

Candy!

candycandycandycandycandycandycandycandycandycandy

Candy! Candy!

Candy! Candy!

Candy! Candy!

Candy!

Cooper's Work Song

Cooper - Bob Fires the Kids

Well, we work and we work and we work all day
Work, work, work in America, work
And we're workin' in the weeds and American work
And workin' in the weeds and a work, work, work
And worky-work-work, and come on, Gene
Pick up the pace, come on, buddy, there we go

Parakeet in Your Hat

Mickey - Bob Fires the Kids

(muffled music)
(Linda:) Bob?
(Bob:) Hmm?
(Linda:) Mickey's playing his calypso again, can you say something?
(Bob:) You go.
(Linda:) C'mon! Get up!
(Bob:) All right!

(Mickey:) Ay-oh-no, ay-no-oh
Ay-no-oh, ay-no-oh
Is dat a parakeet in my hat?
No, no, no, dat's not a parakeet in ya 'at
Is dat an alligator ((Bob:) Mickey!) want to eat da parakeet ((Bob:) Mickey!)
Da alligator say ((Bob:) Mickey!) no I do not want da parakeet ((Bob:) Hello, Mickey!!)

(Mickey:) Oh, ho-ho, hey, Bob!
(Bob:) What's that?
(Mickey:) Oh, this? You ever see this movie? It's great! (music stops) It's a guy, he wants to be big, then he gets big, he doesn't wanna be big anymore, then he gets small, but the suit's too big.
(Bob:) I'm talking about behind the poster, Mickey.
(Mickey:) Oh. Uh...
(Bob:) Are you making a hole in my wall?
(Mickey:) No no no! I was fixing that!
(Bob:) Fixing it with a pick?
(Mickey:) Yes.
(Bob:) Mickey?
(Mickey:) All right, look, Bob, don't tell anybody but I'm digging my way to the bank.
(Bob:) What?

(Mickey:) Day-oh-oh, ay-oh
Ay, oh-oh, ee-oh
Is dat a parakeet in my 'at?
Ay-yo, a parakeet in my 'at
He said, no no no no no
Dat's a not a parakeet
Da alligator said you give me parakeet
And de alligator went to a house
He went to my house
He went a to my house
He say, a-where you get da house?
I say a from a parakeet
He say a parakeet make dat house?
I said yes
Parakeet make my house

Ocean Lady

Unknown - Mutiny on the Windbreaker

Ooh-ooh-ooh
Sexy lady, ocean lady

Kill the Turkey

Linda - An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal

(Bob:) Uh, no no no.
(Linda:) Pass the cranberry sauce, we're havin' mashed potatoes!
Ooh the turkey looks great
Thank you for lovin' me
(Bob:) Lin...
(Linda:) Thank you for bein' there
(Bob:) Please...
(Linda:) Thank you for lovin' me
(Bob:) Oh, God...
(Linda:) Everyone's thankin'
The ((Bob:) Lin...) whole world's thankin' you
(Bob:) Stop, Lin, stop.
(Linda:) Thankin' us for thankin' you
(Bob:) Lin!
(Linda:) Kill the turkey
(Bob:) LIN!!!

(Linda:) Eat a whole bunch of stuff
We're gonna take our pants off
Oh, I'm feelin' so fat
Thank you for lovin' me
(Bob:) Lin...
(Linda:) Thank you for bein' there
(Bob:) Please...
(Linda:) Thank you for lovin' me
Everyone's thankin'
The ((Bob:) Lin...) whole world's thankin' you
Thankin' ((Bob:) Stop.) us for thankin' you
Kill the turkey

Kill the turkey, yeah!!

The Diarrhea Song

Linda - Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks

Running down the gutter with a piece of bread and butter
Diarrhea *two raspberries*, diarrhea *two raspberries*

Running down the gutter with a piece of bread and butter
Diarrhea *two raspberries*, diarrhea *two raspberries*

Some people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny
Diarrhea *two raspberries*, diarrhea *two raspberries*

Sorry we're late. Bob had diarrhea!
(Laughs) Ew!
What?

(Gene (spoken):) I love you mom.

Pip's Potato Chips Jingle

Doug Wheeler - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene

Pop in a Pip's POP! potato chips CRUNCH!

Bob's Burgers Jingle

Gene - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene

Have a feast,
For your face,
Have a burger at Bald Bob's!

Mort's Jingle

Gene & Mort - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene

If you got yourself a stiff
Don't dump it in a ditch
Take your corpse to Mort's
(Mort:) THAT'S ME!

Break up with Courtney Song

Louise - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene

Told you to break up with Courtney
and you didn't listen
and now you're stuck with her forever
SO SUCK IT!

Big Old Buns

Doug Wheeler - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene

Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum
Blazing beef, and big old buns!
Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-BUN-BUN!
Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum BUN-BUN!

Silent Love

Gene and Courtney - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene

(Courtney:) Attention, everbody, look at me, birthday girl talking! C'mon! Everyone!
(Doug:) They make a cute couple, huh?
(Bob:) They certainly are... standing next to each other.
(Courtney:) Mr. Belcher! I said attention!
(Bob:) He talked first...
(Doug:) He asked me a question.
(Courtney:) (sighs)
(Bob:) No, I didn't.
(Doug:) Well, you did too.
(Courntey:) Um, okay. Anyway, Gene's written a love jingle about me and he's gonna perform it now! (slurps)
(Gene:) This is more of an "extended jingle jam slash demo reel". I call it "Silent Love".
(Courtney:) (laughs)

(Gene:) When I close my eyes, then I cover my ears,
It's almost like you are near
It's a silent love! Shhh.
(Courtney:) Silent love!
(Gene:) Shhh!
(Courtney: ) Silent love!
(Gene:) No, seriously. Shhh!
(Courtney:) Talkin' 'bout silent love!
(Gene:) Stop singing!
(Courtney:) All the ladies in the house now! Silent love!
(Tina (on Helium):) Silent love?
(Gene:) (growls)
(Courtney:) Gene! I did a "fellas in the house"! I can't do the ladies and not do the fellas!
(Gene:) JUST BE QUIET!!!
(Courtney:) LET ME SING!!!
(Gene:) NO! IT'S NOT A DUET!!!
(Courtney:) Silent love!
(Gene:) (growls)
(Courtney:) It's a sillent—
(Gene:) YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!!!
(Courtney:) What? (breathes)
(Gene:) JUST STOP SINGING, STOP TALKING, STOP BREATHING!!!
(crowd gasps)
(Courtney:) (stops breathing, faints)

(ambulance siren)
(Gene:) Do you think I've ruined her birthday?
(Louise (on Helium):) Nah!

Silent Muffler

Holly Schlesinger and Nora Smith - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene

When I close my eyes and I cover my ears,
It's almost like you're not here.
It's a silent muffler! Shhh.
A silent muffler! Shhh.
(humming)

(Announcer:) Now in four convenient locations! Shhh!

(Singers:) A silent muffler!

Linda and Louise Switch Roles

Linda and Louise - Mother Daughter Laser Razor

(Louise (spoken):) Hello, I'm Linda
(sung:) And I want you to, clean your room
So I'm singing this song, and I...

(Linda:) But I'm not gonna clean my room, la-la la-la la-la

(Louise:) Oh, you better clean your room 'cause I'm singing this song
And you're gonna clean your room!

(Linda:) I will never clean my room 'cause I'm so rebellious!
No, I'm not gonna stop!

The Harry Truman Song

Linda - Mother Daughter Laser Razor

Here goes the hair and there goes the hair
And where is Harry Truman?
He's dead in the ground, he's dead in the ground
He’s dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!

Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex

Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach

I'm a bad man with a master plan and the ladies call me Tex
And the one thing all the ladies know is I'm good at having uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh

Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex
I leave my shirt on, that's okay, don't make me feel self-conscious, babe
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex
When you're done say that was fun, we might've made a little son

I'm good at sex You're bad at sex, I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex, I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex I'm good at sex, you're bad at se....

Elderly Prostitute

Gene - Nude Beach

Da, da, da, da, da, elderly prostitute
Da, da, da, boo, ba, elderly prostitute

Daddy

Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach

(Tommy:) This, uh, first song goes pretty deep. It's called "Daddy".
(Bob:) Um, at least it's, uh, a family song.

(Tommy:) Daddy! You abandoned me!
Daddy! You sold drugs to me!
Punches are not hugs to me!

(Gene:) Ah, it's no "Elderly Prostitute".
(Linda:) Bobby, you said you talked to him!
(Bob:) Um, I did. Kinda. But then he wiped our record clean!

(Tommy:) Daddy! You're my enemy!
My enemy! (Teddy sobs)
My enemy!
(Tommy and Teddy:) You are my enemy!
My enemy!

(Tommy:) No, don't.
(Teddy:) My enemy! Oh. Oh, sorry.
(Tommy:) It's just me, just me.
My enemy!

You, you, you!

The Itsy-Bitsy Stripper

Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach

The Itsy-Bitsy Stripper climbed up the brassy pole
Down came her legs and wrapped around my soul

Weave your web of your sexy web weave your sexy web around me
Weave your web, weave your naughty web
Around my body, my beautiful body
My beautiful legs, my beautiful torso
Weave that web around me

Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex (reprise)

Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach

How we doin', Jimmy Pesto's?!

I'm a bad man with a master plan and the ladies call me Tex
And the one thing all the ladies know is I'm good at having uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh
sex-sex-sex-sex-sex-sex-sex

I'm good at sex, I'm good at sex
I'm very, very, very, very good at sex

I am good, you are good, too
You're learning, little by little
I'm guiding you with my hand and my arms
I'm good at sex, you're learning quick

Buckle It Up

Bob, Tina, Gene, and Louise - My Fuzzy Valentine

Buckle It Up,
Buckle It Up.
Buckle It Up, Or You'll Die!!!

Two People

Linda Belcher - My Fuzzy Valentine

Two people,
Together forever,
Security in life
Someone to love ya,
Instead of being all alone,
Such a lonely existence - I'd kill myself!

(Teddy:) Tough song. She's talkin' about us, Mort.

Love Mission

Unknown - My Fuzzy Valentine

Falafel (We're on a love mission)
Pizza (We're on a love mission)
All the rest (We're on a love mission)

Can't Get Enough (Of Your Woman Stuff)

Loren Bouchard and Nora Smith - Lindapendent Woman

You're in a dancing mood
And you're looking good
So come on, let's go!

The disco bumping
And I'm feeling something
Moving down below.

Oh, I can't get enough of your woman stuff
Oh, I can't get enough of your woman, your woman
Your woman, woman stuff!

First Day On the Job

Linda - Lindapendent Woman

I'm so freaking excited About my first day on the job
Yeah!

Linda Stocked Corn

Linda - Lindapendent Woman

Linda stocked corn and she don't care
Linda stocked corn and she don't care
Linda stocked corn and she don't care
'Cause she's also got diced tomatoes. Whoo!

This is Working

Linda and Bob Belcher - Lindapendent Woman

(Linda:) Look at me I'm wrangling these carts, on my own
(Bob:) Look at me I'm chopping up this lettuce, all alone
(Linda:) I'm at work and you can hear me sing
(Both:) This is working, this is working

(Linda:) Look at me I'm sitting in this thing, is it on?
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la)
Mommy is at work and you can hear me sing

(Bob:)Grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind
Look at me I've barely even noticed that she's gone
Someone threw up In the bathroom sink

(Both:) This is working, this is working

Funky Finger

Loren Bouchard and John Dylan Keith - Lindapendent Woman

Who got the funky finger? (x9)

Electric Love

Calvin Fischoeder and Gayle - Topsy

(Gene:) All right! Let's show these people that if it ain't man-on-elephant love, it ain't worth singin' about!

(Mr. Dinkler:) (clears throat) Attention, everyone, we have a very special treat for you. It's a musical re-imagine-actenment of the very uplifting story of Thomas Edison and Topsy the elephant!

(Fischoeder:) They say Thomas Edison, he's the man to get us
Into this century, and that man is me

(Gayle:) They'll say "Aw, Topsy!" at my autopsy
And no one could be, more shocked than me

(Fischoeder:)But I never noticed the curve of her trunk

(Gayle:) And I never noticed his electric junk

(Both:) We might just have found
Electric love
Electric love
Electric love

Electric love
((Choir:)First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love)
Electric love
(First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love)
Fits like a glove

(Louise:) This is what really happened, people! THIS MAN, THOMAS EDISON, SENTENCED TOPSY, THAT BEAUTIFUL ELEPHANT, TO DIE BY ELECTROCUTION!!! HA HA HA HA!!
(Bob:) Uh-oh.
(Louise:) HERE'S YOUR HERO, DINKLER! HIT IT!!!
(Teddy:) Is that you, Louise?
(Louise:) HIT IT!!!
(Teddy:) I've been down here so long. What's it like out there? Are people still the same with their funny ways?
(Louise:) TEDDY, HIT IT!!!!
(Teddy:) Oh, right, the thing we're doin'.

(electricity crackles, Tina hyperventilates)

(Linda:) Oh!
(Bob:) TINA!!!
(Louise:) TINA!!!
(Gene:) Tina?
(dramatic music)
(Tina:) I'm okay.
(Bob:) Oh, thank God!
(Linda:) Oh! Oh, God!
(Louise:) Oof!
(Tina:) I thought we weren't doing the death scene, but I saw the sparks and went with it. Was I convincing?
(Bob:) Yes. Very.
(Louise:) Oh my God! I almost electrocuted my sister! I've become Edison.
(Mr. Dinkler:) Oh, you wish! So he electrocuted animals, so what?! As if everyone here's so perfect! (sobs)
(Linda:) Coulda asked me to sing, but whatever. I coulda sung it.
(Bob:) Louise, is there something you wanna say to your sister?
(Louise:) Tina, I'm really sorry I wanted to kill you. I got carried away with the Dinkler thing. Which worked out pretty well, but still, I shouldn't have almost killed you.
(Tina:) It's okay. This is how Topsy would've wanted it. But with more trampling people.
(Louise:) And, Gene, I'm sorry to you, too. Your song was really good.
(Gene:) I know. And without a single fart sound. OH MY GOD, I FORGOT THE FART SOUNDS!!

(Fischoeder and Gayle:) Electric love
Electric love
Electric love

Electric love
((Choir:)First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love)
Electric love
(First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love)
Fits like a glove

T.I.N.A.

Jimmy Pesto, Jr. - Two for Tina

T is for the way you take my breath away
I is for the way I like it when you take my breath away
N is for no one else takes my breath away
and A is for Asthma that is a disease that takes people's breath away!

(Tina:) Oh, that's nice, 'cause you're a horse.

Going to Florida

Linda - It Snakes a Village

Going to Florida
Going to Florida
Sunshiney, Florida now-ow
Going to Florida
Florida, Florida
Everyone's going somehow
Going to Florida
Tropical Florida
Manatees Florida now.

Dirty Ducks

Unknown - It Snakes a Village

Dirty ducks (Dirty ducks)
Dirty ducks (Quack, quack)

The Snake Song

Gene - It Snakes a Village

I'm not afraid of ghosts
I'm not afraid of sharks
I'm not afraid of cancer
I'm just afraid of snakes
They really creep me out
Where are their arms and legs?
It's not okay!

(repeat with male chorus)

Oh, Bitsy, baby
Bitsy, I'm gonna miss ya

Fracas Foam

Loren Bouchard & Jim Dauterive - Family Fracas

Pizza game, talking trash
Spinning the wheel
Fracas foam, get foamed at home

There's Jimmy Pesto, he's so mad
Fracas foam, get foamed at home
Jimmy's so mad

No minivan for you

Girls Being Girls

Gene - The Kids Run the Restaurant

Girls, being girls, being girls, being girls, girl group


The Kids Run the Restaurant

Linda - The Kids Run the Restaurant

(spoken:) Hit it. Oh, he did. (sung:) When Bob sees blood and screams and passes out
Then Mr. Fisch checks in and cashes out
What more do you want when kids run the restaurant?
(spoken:) Hey, sailor.
Ooh, nice pants.
(sung:) Marshmallow played a game of Surgery Sam
And all this 'cause Bob cut his hand
What more do you want when kids run the restaurant?

Coal Mine

Boyz4Now - Boyz 4 Now

(Allen:) I'm mining the cave for love
(Boo Boo:) Don't care about the world above
(Griffin:) Down here it's dark and cold
(Matt:) I'm just looking for a nugget of gold

(Griffin:) My hat is hard but my heart is soft
(Matt:) It's dusty down here and so I cough
(All:) It's a dirty job but I ain't stoppin'
(Griffin:) I know I'm breathin' toxins but you're lookin' foxin'

(Allen:) Will you be mine?
(All:) Coal mine
(Allen:) Will you be mine?
(All:) Diamond mine
I'll pick you, can our love begin
Tell me now before my heart caves in
(Allen:) Will you be mine?
(Autotuned) Diamond miiiiiiiinnnne!

I Wanna Hear Your Secrets

Boo Boo - Boyz 4 Now

I wanna hear your secrets, I'm so interested in you
What did you have for lunch today? Tell me breakfast, too
Which friend are you mad at, girl? What size are your shoes?
You just went to the bathroom, number one or number two?
I want to know everything, everything 'bout you

I wanna hear your secrets I'm so interested in you
Even if it's not a secret Tell me that stuff, too
Details, I wanna know details, what's your dad's name?
Details, and your mom's
Details, any allergies?
Details, how was prom?
Interesting, so interesting.

Whisper In Your Eyes

Boo Boo - Boyz 4 Now

I need to show you a secret, it's gonna be a surprise
Come a little bit closer, let me whisper in your eyes

When I whisper in your eyes, don't think, don't blink

Hey, girl, shh, shush. Close your lips and open your eyes. I want your eyes to hear my lips and also my eyes. I want your lips and your eyes to come together as one so that your eyes can see your lips and that your lips can kiss your eyes and vice versa. And when lip-eyes come together in that type of direction and place, you can see my lips and my lips can see your eyes and... Pretty much that's what's gonna happen between the two of us, and then your lip-eyes will see the sun come up and we'll love the sun in the mornin' together. And then one day, our lip-eyes will see... the nighttime. Even though that it's dark, you'll still be able to see the... the moon... with your lip-eyes.

Tell Me About Every Single Time You've Cried

Boo Boo - Boyz 4 Now

Tell me About every single time you've cried
The first time, oh, when your goldfish died

Big Boy Head to Feet

Boyz4Now - Boyz 4 Now

(Matt, Griffin, Allen:) Gettin' into your booster seat
From your big boy head to your big boy feet
Gettin' into your booster seat
From your big boy head to your big boy feet

(Boo Boo:) From my big boy head to my big boy feet

I've Got a Yum Yum

Linda, boys, girls - Carpe Museum

(Bob:) You do realize you almost made Rudy die.
(Louise:) Almost dyin' is the best part of livin'. It's called "almost lived dyin'".
(Bob:) Huh. So when you run the restaurant, will you call it Louise's Burgers?
(Louise:) I 'unno. Maybe. Daddy.

(Linda:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, boom, boom, boom
(Boys and Girls:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, boom, boom, boom
(Linda:) Weeda, weeda, weina, weina, weina, wang
(Boys and Girls:) Weeda, weeda, weina, weina, weina, wang
(Linda:) Boys are from Mars,
Girls are from Venus,
I've got a yum-yum, you've got a penis
(Boys:)Boys are from Mars
(Girls:) Girls are from Venus
(Boys and Girls:) I've got a yum-yum, you've got a penis
(Linda:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, wang
(Boys and Girls:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, wang
(Linda:) Weeda, weeda, weina, boom, boom, boom
(Boys and Girls:) Weeda, weeda, weina, boom, boom, boom
(Linda:) Chaka, weina, wang, weina, chaka, weina
(Boys and Girls:) Chaka, weina, wang, weina, chaka, weina
(Linda:) Boom, chaka, wang, weina, boom, boom
(Boys and Girls:) Boom, chaka, wang, weina, boom, boom
(Linda:) Shake your hips, wiggle your butt Drop your pants, pick 'em back up
Weeda, weeda, weina, chaka, weeda, weeda, weina, chaka Weeda, weeda, weina, chaka, weeda, weeda

It's Electric

Unknown, Tina - The Unnatural

You can't see it It's electric!
(Tina:) Boogie woogie woogie
You gotta feel it It's electric!
Ooh, it's shakin' It's electric!
(Tina:) Boogie woogie woogie
????????????????????? She sure got the boogie
Now you can't hold it It's electric!
(Tina:) Boogie woogie woogie

Season 4

We're Coming For Ya

Loren Bouchard & John Dylan Keith - A River Runs Through Bob

(Linda:) What do we do?! The kids must be worried sick about us!
(Bob:) We need to go straight across!
(Linda:) Are you sure, Bobby?
(Bob:) Yes, I'm sure! The right way is... that way? That might not have sounded like I'm sure, but I'm sure.
(Linda:) All right. You're the Nature Master. We're comin' for ya, kids!
(Tina:) We're comin' for ya, Mom and Dad!
(The kids:) (screaming)

(Singers:) Kids, we're coming for you
Underwear, flying in the air
We're coming for you, now we're falling
We're snacking and tubing and laughing and splashing and craaaaaaaaawling

(Bob:) Oh, Linda! (groans)
(Linda:) Oh, so hungry, Bobby! Oh my God I ate an ant! Oh my God I just ate another one!
(Bob:) Lin, what are you doin'?
(Linda:) (eating noises) They're not bad.

Rain, Rain, Flash, Flash

Thundergirls troop leader, Thundergirls and Tina Belcher - A River Runs Through Bob

Rain, rain
flash, flash
Thundergirls wear a Thunder sash.

Honor, friendship, trust, integrity
french braids, sunscreen, skits and jellybeans (Rain, rain! Flash, flash!)
Tundergirls are vowed to sing this song of nature, friends and things. (Thundergirls wear a thunder sash!)
(spoken:) I'll be a thundergirl, till I'm six feet under-girl, uhh, that's right, I'll be a Thundergirl!

Candy Randy

Unknown - Fort Night

Who's that guy?
He knows all the sweets

Who's that guy?
He mapped out the streets

Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandy
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandy

It's my favorite blog
Just don't tell my mom.

Quicky Kiss It

Loren Bouchard - Seaplane!

Quicky Kiss-it
Quicky Kiss-it
Quicky Kiss-it
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah
Quicky Kiss-it
Whoo! Quicky Kiss-it
She's kissin', she's kissin'
She's kissin' so quick
Quicky Kiss-it
Ooh! Quicky Kiss-it
Uh-huh, Quicky Kiss-it Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah
Quicky Kiss-it, Uh-huh, Quicky Kiss-it Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah

Sneaky Pete

Nora Smith & Loren Bouchard - My Big Fat Greek Bob

(Linda:) Wha... What are we workin' with here? What's going on? Are these cougars?

(Singers:) When you hear that buzzing sound
Sneaky Pete is coming 'round
All the girls like to get freaky
With a freak that's pretty sneaky

Light some candles, draw a bath
For Sneaky Pete, you do the math
He will catch you off your feet
And his name is Sneaky Pete

(instrumental)

He is Pete, and he's freaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky Pete
He's unique-y, nique-y, nique-y Sneaky Pete
Make you shrieky, shrieky, shrieky Sneaky Pete

(Louise:) Woo! Tonight everybody gets hazed!
(Gene:) My sisters are my brothers! I'm gonna go pee out a window!
(Bob:) Wait. Why is everybody holding vibrators?

(Singers:) He is Pete
And he's freaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky Pete
He's unique-y, nique-y, nique-y Sneaky Pete
Make you shrieky, shrieky, shrieky Sneaky Pete. (Ah-ha!)
So sneaky
He is Pete, and he's freaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky Pete
He's unique-y, nique-y, nique-y Sneaky Pete
Make you shrieky, shrieky, shrieky Sneaky Pete

(Linda:) I want to go home with you with your bedside drawer and live there forever.

Gravy Boat

Gayle and Linda - Turkey in a Can

(Gayle:) A-ding, a-ding
(Linda:) A-what's that sound?
(Gayle:) It's the gravy boat
(Gayle and Linda:) A-comin' around
(Gayle:) It's not a navy boat
(Linda:) It's the gravy boat
(Gayle and Linda:) Filled with bravery, savory, sailor folk
(Gayle:) Stuffing sailors, disembark
(Gayle and Linda:) Fill our plates and fill our hearts
Sailors in your mouth, sailors in your mouth
That's what Thanksgiving is all about.

We Won the Talent Show

Bad Hair Day- Purple Rain-Union

(Emcee:) Hello, alumni of Cardinal Gennaro High! I hope everyone's having a good time! And if you're not, I'd like to see you organize something on this budget! In this timeframe! It's been really hard!
(Linda:) All right! We're about to go on! So, setlist! We'll start with "We're the Ta Tas", and then we'll go right into "You Were All Wrong About Us", and then "Oh Boy You All Got So Fat"—
(Gayle:) And then my song?
(Linda:) Yeah yeah yeah, if we have time. Everybody ready? Feel pumped? Do you feel pumped?
(Musician:) I feel bloated.
(Linda:) Good! Use it!
(Emcee:) So yeah. Divorce is hard. But you know what? Ya get up in the morning and you— What? (gasps) Oh my goodness! Recent developments to announce! We thought they couldn't come, but they're here! Our very own Bad Hair Day!!
(Bob:) What?
(Linda:) Gah!
(Lead Singer:) We're back where we started! It's like the talent show all over again, huh?! First place, took home the gold! And then our next gold WAS A GOLD RECORD!
(Lead Guitarist:) (laughs)

(Lead Singer:) Got a Ph. D. in rock and roll!
Got an Honorary Doctorate in never gettin' old!
My day job is stayin' up all night!
My hobby is bein' impolite!
My memory is my guitar!
My friends are all my seven cars!
I've done home runs with all my aunts!
I've never had a menstrual cramp!

(Lead Singer and Lead Guitarist:) But, yeah, life's so great!
We made lots of dough!
We sleep all day!
(Lead Singer:) Cuz we won the talent show!

Got a G.E.D. in bein' mean!
Lookin' at my horse and makin' it rain!
My Bachelor's in breakin' stuff!
My Associate's in talkin' tough!
I've never had to change my pants!
I've never moisturized my hands!
[indistinct] 101!
I went on a mountain in Vermont!

Thank you, little people! We're not gonna stay and mingle!
(Lead Guitarist): Good night!

(Lead Singer:) Woo! Good luck, Taters!
(Linda:) Ta Tas!
(Lead Singer:) Right right right.

We're the Ta Ta's

The Ta Tas - Purple Rain-Union

We're the Ta-Ta's and we're gonna rock ya
We like to cha-cha and eat frittatas

Derek Dematopolis

Gayle and Linda - Purple Rain-union

Derek Dematopolis
Your neck hair makes me weak.
Won’t you enter my Acropolis
and make my yogurt Greek?

Derek. Derek.
Let’s you and me make a we-union.
Derek. Derek.
Let’s you and me make a we-union.

To-night.
To-night.
To-night.
To-night.

Not Bad for Having Three Kids

The Ta Tas - Purple Rain-Union

(Linda:) Yeah! Let's rock!

I've still got my (Linda and Gayle:) sexy parts!
(Linda:) Still I've got (Linda and Gayle:) two out of five!
(Linda:) I've still got (Linda and Gayle:) two out of five!
(Linda:) I've still got my sexy parts!
Still I've got two out of five!
(Gayle:) She's still got two out of five!
(Linda:) You know it!

(Linda:) This is down here but it should be up there
This is kind of loose and I think it might tear
(Linda:) This is lumpy ((Gayle and Angie:) Yeah it’s lumpy)
(Linda:) This is saggy ((Gayle and Angie:) Yeah it’s flabby)
When I bend down I pee a little bit
But it’s not bad, not bad for having three kids! ((Gayle:) Or three cats!)

(Linda:) These are the ones from from the song. The song's about them.

((Gayle and Angie:) Not bad for having three kids!
((Angie:) Drum, pop, drum, pop
((Gayle and Angie:) Not bad for having three kids!

Jingle in the Jungle

Steven Davis and Kelvin Yu - Christmas in the Car

Hoo, ha, hoo, ha (animal screeching) Hoo, ha, hoo, ha
Jingle in the jungle, hope you bringle me a bundle
Tingle on my tingle Santa, bring my favorite thingles
Some mittens for the monkeys but make sure they're pretty funky
Some leggings for the lion, but remember he's size nine
Frogs and gators and monkeys immense
Everybody jingle to the jungle dance
We have candles and lights and jingle

Slumber Party Fashion Show

Loren Bouchard & Nora Smith - Slumber Party

Slumber party fashion show
Lookin’ good from head to toe
Slumber party fashion show
Lookin’ good from head to toe
Slumber party fashion show
Lookin’ good from head to toe
Slumber party fashion show
Ooh! Ah
Ooh! Ah
Ooh! Ah
Ooh! Ah

It’s Not Magic, It’s Tragic

Loren Bouchard - Presto Tina-o

It’s not magic, it’s tragic.
Ooh, she’ll take the straitjacket.
It’s not magic, it’s tragic.

(scatting)

It’s not magic, it’s tragic.
Ooh, she’ll take the straitjacket.
Abracadabra-ca-dab!

Gas Class

Gene - The Frond Files

Gas class!
You wanna pass gas class?
You gotta pass gas

The Fart Song

Wagstaff School students - The Frond Files

(Mr. Frond): You come outta there right now!
(Gene:) Oh, I'm not coming out! But this is!

When you feel like school has sucked the wind out of your sails
Remember that it's cool, to use the wind that's in your tails

(Gene:) Fart, fart, fart Fart, fart, fart, fart
Every fart is a work of art
Don't know where to begin? Don't know where to start?
Farts will set you free

(All:) It's that gas from your ass, it's that toot from your boot
That hum from your bum, it's that loot in your chute
All that air from your own derriere
Come on and set it free
'Cause farts are liberty

(Gene:) What do we want to do?
(All:) Fart, fart!
(Gene:) Open up your butt cheeks
(All:) This is how our butts speak.
(Gene:) Let's go, (All:) Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart!

(All:) It's that gas from your ass, it's that toot from your boot
That hum from your bum, it's that loot in your chute
All that air from your own derriere
Come on and set it free
'Cause farts are liberty

'Cause farts will Set you Free!

(Linda:) (sobs)
(Bob:) Are you crying?
(Linda:) It's so beautiful. His farts set them free. He's a hero, don't you get it?

Tammy

Unknown - Mazel-Tina

She's Tammy, she's glammy, she's just a little hammy
If she sang a song right now she'd probably win a Grammy
You know who I'm talking of So why don't you all say mazel tov, Tammy, yeah.

Chugga Chugga, Choo Choo, Happy Birthday To You

Wine Rail employees - The Kids Rob a Train

Everybody watch your backs the birthday train is on the tracks

Put some wine in your glass, 'cause your life is moving fast
So drink your day away

"The Equestranauts" Theme Song

The Belcher Family and Teddy

(Bob:) Hey, Tina, you must be enjoying having Chariot ba— Hey, what's going on?
(Tina:) I'm packing up Chariot.
(Bob:) What? Why?
(Tina:) Oh, I'm just getting a little old to play with dolls, you know. But... thanks for... getting her back. Hooray.
(Bob:) Tina?
(Tina:) What?
(Bob:) Play with the doll.
(Tina:) But I'm too old to—
(Bob:) TINA, PLAY WITH THE DOLL!!!
(Linda:) Play with the doll, Tina! Come on! Do what Daddy says!
(Bob:) PLAY WITH IT!!!!
(Tina:) Okay, I'll— Neigh.
(Bob:) Make it jump!
(Tina:) Um, well, D— She doesn't jump.
(Bob:) I KNOW IT DOESN'T JUMP!! You know how I know that?
(Tina:) 'Cause—
(Bob:) 'CAUSE I READ 1200 PAGES OF EQUESTRENAUT CRAP!!!
(Tina:) Uhh...
(Bob:) Keep playing with it!
(Tina:) Okay, uhhh. Goodnight.
(Bob:) Goodnight.

A bond of friendship, greater than any force in the universe,
A bond of friendship, greater than any force in the universe
Mini and Peggy-sis, flying in clouds so high
Headhorn and Chariot, come to my place tonight
Equestranauts, we're brothers forever
Equestranauts, we're bonded together
Bonded together, Equestranauts
Equestranauts

Something Smells Fishy

Linda - Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I)

You're a little fish
Calvin's a big fish
Something smells fishy
La, la, la

Mr. Dancefloor

Fanny - Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I) and World Wharf II: The Wharfening (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part II)

Who's that knocking on my door?
Ooh it's Mr. Dancefloor
Everyone is/Everybody's looking fancy
Things are about to get dancy

Nice Things Are Nice

Bob, Calvin Fischoeder, Fanny, Linda, Tina, Gene and Louise - Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I)

(Bob:) I know you're already a wealthy-ish guy
But think of what that condo money could buy
And I'd open up Bob's Beach Burgers and Fries
Oh, nice things are nice

(Calvin (spoken):) Uh-uh, not interested

(Bob:) Your own private island, a million eye patches ((Calvin:)No, I don't think so)
A gold swimming pool l to hold all of your cashes (No, sorry, Bob)
I'd hire real waiters who all have mustaches (No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no)
Oh, nice things are nice

(Fanny:) Soon you will see just how nice life can be
When you start raking in condo people's money
(Linda) Ooh, I love this dress, does it come In size three?
(Fanny (Spoken):) Uh-uh.
(Linda (Spoken):) Okay, six?
(Fanny (Spoken):) Uh-uh.
(Linda (Spoken):) Okay, ten?
(Fanny:)Oh, nice things are nice

(Tina:) I'm chained to Mr. Goiter ((Gene and Louise)La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la)
In hopes that they don't destroy her (La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la)
Okay, it's not a her, but I really really wanted it to rhyme (La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaaa)

(Bob:) A legion of servants, all at your command
An army of tigers, like you always planned
(Calvin:) I could buy my own missiles to launch at Englaa (spoken:)ahah, nevermind, I'm not telling.
(Bob:) My sophisticated burgers they would understand.
(Bob and Calvin:) Oh, nice things are nice

(Waiter): You guys! 'Scuse me! There's no singing in here.
(Bob:) Oh.
(Waiter:) Thank you.
(Bob:) Sorry.
(Mr. Fischoeder:) Sorry.
(Bob:) Terrible.
(Waiter:) Thank you.
(Bob:) Got carried away.

Wharf of Wonder

Linda - Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I)

Wonder Wharf, wharf of wonder
This won't end Till Bob's six feet under
He wanted things that were nice
But will he pay the ultimate price?
Wonder Wharf, Wonder Wharf

Bad Things Are Bad

Bob, Calvin, Linda, Andy Pesto, Zeke, Tammy Larsen, Randy Watkins, Regular Sized Rudy, Jimmy Pesto, Jr., Gene, Teddy, Felix and Fanny - World Wharf II: The Wharfening (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part II)

(Mr. Fischoeder:) Where's your family, Bob? Why aren't they looking for us?!
(Bob:) I don't know! Maybe they didn't get our text!
(Mr. Fischoeder:) Well, things are bad, Bob. Things are very bad.

(Bob:) I never thought this is how I would go ((Calvin:) Ooh)
Here under the pier tied to Mr. Fischoe...
...Der, but looks like Linda will be a widow (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
Oh, bad things are bad

(Linda:)I fear that my Bob's in a terrible place
(Andy:) Maybe you'll find him inside Of this vase
(Zeke:) Maybe a lion is eating his face?
(Tammy:) Oh, bad things are bad

(Randy:) Maybe your Dad was tied up by a sailor?
(Rudy:) I'll help you look after I pump this inhaler
(Jimmy, Jr.:) Check out my pants, they are perfectly tailored
(Tina (spoken):) Oh, yeah, nice.
(Jimmy, Jr.(spoken):) Thanks.
(Gene:) Oh, bad things are bad

(Teddy:) Oh, I wish that Bob would come back
I could really use a big snack
Okay, it's not a burger but I'll just pretend it is and maybe cry

(Felix:) I did what I had to, I have no regrets
I murdered my brother for power and sex
What's this weird feeling inside of my chest?
(Fanny:) Why do you keep not looking at my breasts?
(Felix:) Oh, bad things are bad

(Bob:) Farewell, cruel world, looks like I'll die alone
(Calvin:) If only you'd purchased a better cell phone
(Bob:) And now I'll never know who wins Game of Thrones
(Bob and Calvin:) Oh Things are bad!

Season 5

Leaves

Peter Pescadero - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl

Red, yellow, orange and brown
Are on the tree then they fall down

Nakatomi

Gene - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl

Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Na.....

Katharine Parker

Tina - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl

I'm Katharine Parker and I'm super rich
And soon you will find that I'm quite a bleep

Business Man With a Business Plan

Jimmy, Jr. - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl

I'm a business man with a business plan
I need a business woman with some business hands

John and Al

Regular Sized Rudy and Zeke - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl

(Rudy:) Why did you throw that corpse on my car?
(Zeke:) 'Cause I'm inviting you to the party, pal
Think we're gonna be great pals
(Both:) Al and John, John and Al

Die Hard / Working Girl Musical Medley

Various - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl

(Linda:) (whispering loudly) My son's doing Die Hard: The Musical in the basement! It's a competing musical! It's competing with this one right now!
(Audience member:) Shh!
(Linda:) (whispering loudly) Ah, you're jealous!
(Audience member:) Shh!

(Jocelyn, Julie and Rupa:) This is a boat, a boat that is a ferry
Ferry on the water, Staten Island Ferry

(Courtney:) I'm a working girl, a workin' working girl, I'm a girl who's working
I work in New York City

(Gene:) All aboard the plane from New York to Los Angeles! (plane sounds) Thanks, Argyle! Boy, that guy on the airplane was right about taking my shoes off!

I'm a barefoot cop, oh....

(Courtney:) Coffee, coffee, coffee's all I get ((Jocelyn and Julie:)Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee)
How'm I gonna get ahead (Coffee, coffee)

(Gene:) I'm Grubin', I'm Hans Gruber and I'm Grubin'
And sometimes that can mean shootin', Mr. Takagi in the head

(Tina:) Hey, this is Katherine, you work for me
I've broken my leg while trying to ski
Do me a favor and fill in for me
Even though I stole your radio deal idea For Trask Industries
(Courtney:) You did what?!

(Gene:) Fight scene, fight scene, we're gonna have a fight scene
(grunting)
(Bob:) Oh my God!
(Linda:) Uh, excuse me. Uh, excuse me. I know, right? He's magnificent! Oh, it's warm in here! Hey, did Louise charge you five bucks?
(Bob:) Yes.
(Linda:) Alright!

(Courtney:) I have a head for business and a bod for sin
(Jimmy, Jr.) Well I want both, so count me in!

(Gene:) Oh, the life of the wife of a cop
Makes my head spin around like a top
He's always (inaudible under speech)

(Louise:) Hey hey! Five bucks!
(Doug:) What's going on?!
(Courtney:) You're doing your Die Hard musical?! Oh, I love the Holly Gennero McClane number!

I'm Holly Gennero McClane

That Johnny McClane's driving this gal insane
Oh, the life of the wife of a cop

Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl

Full Company featuring Carly Simon - Work Hard or Die Trying Girl

(Gene:) So I dunno if we can pull this off. I mean, we wrote and rehearsed it in under twenty minutes, but, if we do, it's because we did it together. All of us.
(Zeke:) That's exactly what people say before they make a baby I think!
(Gene:) Okay, well, without any further ado, we present to you the musical rom-com slash action thriller, Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl!

(Courtney:) Oh, no! We're a bunch of secretaries from New York held hostage in Nakatomi Towers!
(Louise:) Shush! I'm Karl, da one with beautiful hair!
(Gene:) I'm Hans Gruber! Consider yourself grubed!
(Courtney:) Tess McGill can't let a bunch of terrorists ruin her dream!
(Jocelyn:) I hope the police come soon!
(Zeke:) Ouch! Glass hurt John McClane's feet!

(Andy:) I'm Agent Johnson
(Ollie:) And I'm Agent Johnson
(Both:) And we're from the FBI
(Andy:) I'm Johnson
(Ollie:) He's Johnson!
(Andy:) He's Johnson
(Ollie:) I'm Johnson!
(Both:) Two fancy-footed federal guys
(Regular Sized Rudy:) I might just be a local cop, but will you guys back off me?
(Jocelyn:) Things are getting pretty tense, does anybody want coffee?

(Courtney:) You know, we're not so different, you and I.
We're both ambitious, Hans!
(Gene:) Tess McGill, you've stolen this Gruber's heart.
(Courtney and Gene:) Like he's/I'm stealing these bearer bonds.

(Darryl): I cracked the cooooooooooooode!
So here's the bearer bonds, which is the same as money I guess.
(Gene:) Hey, let's make that radio deal! Hip hop?
(Courtney:) Hip hop!

(Hip hop music plays)

(Gene:) Mmwah!
(Courtney:) (whispering) That's not in the script!
(Gene:) (whispering) Just go with it! They love it!
(Courtney:) (unknown sound)
(Gene:) (whispering) Is that two rows of teeth I'm feeling?
(Courtney:) (whispering) My baby teeth never fell out.
(Tina:) And Jack Trainer and I are a couple now as well, so that's good.
(Jimmy Jr.:) Hip hop! Hip hop!
(Zeke:) Hans, you're feeling love's great power
But now I gotta push you off the tower!
Come here! I'm gon' gitcha! Come on!
(Gene:) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Louise:) I'm so mad about my brother so I kill you about it!
(Regular Sized Rudy:) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
(Louise:) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
(Zeke:) Thanks, Al!

(Courtney:) If only there was a place where we could all be happy and not get killed.
(Cast:) Maybe there's a tower, somewhere up above
Filled with bearer bonds and love, where dreams don't die hard
Maybe there's a tower, somewhere up above
Filled with shoulder pads and love
Where dreams can fly hard
(Courtney and Gene:) But until we can live in that imaginary world
We'll work hard or die trying, girl.

(Applause)
(Linda:) Yes! Yes! Woo!
(Bob:) Oh my god! Carly Simon?
("Not" Carly Simon:) Who?
(Bob:) Oh, sorry. (stammers) You look like Carly Simon.
("Not" Carly Simon:) You look like Carly Simon.
(Bob:) It's a compliment.
("Not" Carly Simon:) Back off!
(Bob:) Sorry. Jeez.
(Gene:) I smell a Tony! Which is also what happens to be what I call my farts.

(Cast:) Work hard!
Or die trying, girl!
(Carly Simon:) Ooooh....
(Carly Simon and cast:) You work hard you die hard!
(Cast:) Work hard!
(Gene:) Work hard!
(Carly Simon:) Ohhhhhhh...
(Cast:) Or die trying, girl!
(Carly Simon and Zeke:) You work hard you try hard!
(Cast:) Work hard! ((Carly Simon:) Ooooooooooooh...))
(Cast:) Or die trying, girl!
(Gene:) Yeah!
(Carly Simon and cast:) You work hard you die hard!
(Cast:) Work hard!
(Carly Simon:) No, no, no, no, no, work haaaaaaaaaaaard ((Cast:) Or die trying, girl!)

Your Best Friend

Linda and Teddy - Friends with Burger-fits

(Linda:) He crashes on your couch when he loses his job
A guy pulls a knife, and you jump in front
You take the blade right in the gut!
Ow! Then he holds your hand till the medic comes

You feed him soup when he breaks his jaw
You help him pee when he has that thing
He's your best friend.

(Teddy:) He crashes on your couch when he loses his job
He helps you pee when you've got that thing
He's your best friend

(Both:) Your best friend!

Christmas Magic

Linda and Teddy - Father of the Bob

(Linda:) Christmas magic
(Teddy:) Christmas magic
(Linda:) This time of year
(Teddy:) This time of year
(Linda:) And all the cold hungry people
(Teddy:) All those cold hungry people
(Linda:) They're dying in the streets
(Teddy:) They're dying in the streets
(Linda:) Me and my family will be warm tonight

Happy Crappy Place

Bob, Linda, Louise Belcher and Plants - Late Afternoon in the Garden of Bob & Louise

(Bob:) Tomatoes and sweet peas and green beans It's a dream come true
(Linda:) I wanna take her stupid neck And wring it
(Louise:) That's what I want to do, too, but with him
(Bob:) The only thing greener than these plants is my thumb
(Linda and Louise:) How did we ever get stuck with these bums? The restaurants now a crappy place
(Bob:) I think I found my happy place
I'm like a British Lady in my garden And my plants agree
(Plants:) Mm-hmm!
(Louise:) He's the most annoying person that was ever born
(Linda:) Oh, God, she brought her own tea
(Bob:) I'm the world's greatest farmer Things are growing so well (Linda and Louise:) We're living in our own personal hell The restaurant's now a crappy place
(Bob:) I think I found my happy
(Linda and Louise:) The restaurant's now a crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy
(Bob:) Happy, happy, happy, happy Place.

Darryl's Slow Jam

Darryl - Can't Buy Me Math

Girl I wish you were in all my classes (Classes)
And when we kiss We hit our glasses (Glasses)
Now let's slow dance Like molasses (Molasses)
Like mo-oh-oh-la-a-a-a-a-a-asses
Thank you, good night!

Millie's School Anthem

Wagstaff School choir - The Millie-Churian Candidate

Millie and Louise (x4)

Millie and Louise Overture

Wagstaff School marching band - The Millie-Churian Candidate

Instrumental

I'm Jimmy, Jr. Pesto

Jimmy Pesto, Jr., Gene, Tina, Louise and Zeke - The Millie-Churian Candidate

(Ms. LaBonz:) Before we begin, we have a message from one of the candidates for student body president.
(students groan)
(Ms. LaBonz:) Settle down. It's not Henry Haber.

(Jimmy, Jr.:) I'm Jimmy, Jr. Pesto
You know I am the best-o
I'm cooler than the rest-o
(Gene(spoken):) He wrote the hot guy manifesto

(Gene, Tina, Louise, Zeke:) We wish we were Jimmy, Jr. Pesto

(Jimmy, Jr.(spoken):) Key change

(Jimmy, Jr.:) I'm Jimmy, Jr. Pesto
You know me from the vest-o
And I'm on the questo-o
(Tina(spoken):) To be the president-o

(Jimmy, Jr.:) You wish you were Jimmy, Jr. Pesto

Let's do this! (screams)
(Student:) Oh, barf!
(Ms. LaBonz:) I wanna slap that kid.
(Student:) I know, right?

The Sheriff Had a Piggy

Linda - The Gayle Tales

(Gene:) A one, a two, a one two three four!

(Linda:) Oh, the sheriff had a piggy and he was mighty mad
He saw me a-coming and my wiener he did grab
Now I can't quit cryin' and life just ain't no fun
'Cause a fat dog ate my hot dog and I got nothin' but the bun
Yeehaw!

(Louise:) Wow. Wowee wow wow wow.

Lipstick on his Pickup

Gayle - The Gayle Tales

(Man:) Gayle! Come clean up this throw-up!

(Gayle:) There's lipstick on his pickup, there's mascara on the wheels
I looked inside the glove box and I found a red high heel

(Gene:) Well, pinch my loaf! That girl can sing!

I'll Trade You These Tears

Linda - The Gayle Tales

(Linda:) Psst! Hey! Stage girl!
(Tina:) Yes?
(Linda:) I need you to put a rattlesnake in someone's guitar for me.
(Tina:) Yes, ma'am.

(Linda:) I'll trade you these tears for a couple of beers and this snot for a shot of whiskey
I'll trade you these lips for a couple of sips but you better not get too frisky

I Won't Go Solo on You

Gayle and Gene - The Gayle Tales

(Emcee:) Let's hear it for Lindette! Now a brand new duo! He used to be Lindette's partner, and she used to be a waitress who cleaned up throw-ups. Let's give a big Nashville welcome to Gayle and Jo-Gene!
(Gene:) We call this one "I Won't Go Solo on You!"

(Gayle:) Well, I got to use the restroom but there ain't a stall for two
So squeeze on in and don't breathe in 'cause I won't go solo on you

(rattlesnake hisses)
(Gayle:) Um, I think there's a snake in my guitar.
(Gene:) Use it!

Well, I'd like to eat spaghetti but you want vindaloo
So I'll leave in a hurry and order some curry 'cause I won't go solo on you

(Both:) Oh, You and me we're together through and through
So if you move to China, I'll be right behind ya
'Cause I won't go solo on you
Yeehaw!

(Emcee:) And the winner is: Gayle and Jo-Gene and that wacky snake!

Ring, Ring

Tina - Li'l Hard Dad

Ring, ring, who's this calling on the phone?
It's the Wild, is anybody home?

Shimmy Tap

Linda - Li'l Hard Dad

And a tap and a tap and a tap-tap-tap
And we're tapping and we're spinning and we're spinning and we're tapping
And a shimmy tap, a shimmy tap
A scooby tap, a scooby tap, a wiggle tap, a jiggle tap
And a shibba-dabba, shibba-dabba scooba-dooba-doo
And no one's even looking at you, what you didn't do
And a-scabba-dooba-scabba-dooba, scabba-dooba-day
And the book report's over, and you got yourself an "A"!

The Call of the Wild

Linda - Li'l Hard Dad

Up here in the Klondike, it can get pretty cold
The other dogs are looking fierce so it's time to get bold
But when life gets tough, well, you just got to smile
And better answer that phone 'cause it's the call of the wild!

Date Night

Linda - Adventures in Chinchilla-Sitting

(Bob:) You know, me and your mom cheated at trivia tonight.
(Louise:) Really?
(Bob:) Yup. Impressed?
(Louise:) What's wrong with you? You took her to trivia? Sounds like you cheated Mom out of a date.
(Bob:) There's my girl.

(Linda:) Date night tonight, gonna go out, get some food
Have a few drinks, forget we have kids for a little bit, la, yeah
Date night tonight, yeah, gonna go out, get some food
Have a few drinks, forget we have kids for a little bit
Gonna go out, get some food
Have a few drinks, forget we have kids for a little bit, la, yeah (It's just what we do)
Date night, date night, date night, gonna go out

Don't You Love Cotton Candy

John Roberts - The Runway Club

(Frond:) Maybe I did rehabilitate you kids after all.
(Tina:) Yeah, maybe.

(Louise:) Ugh! I missed you, outside world! What year is it?!
(Gene:) To the candy! That's made of cotton!
(Frond:) Omigod! It's Principal Spores! All the kids are gone! Omigod! FIRE!!!! FIRE!!!!

Don't you love cotton candy?
It's made of cotton and also candy
If your fingers get sticky
Eat off your hand, lickety-licky

Don't you love cotton candy?
Ah, don't, don't, don't, don't
Don't you love cotton candy?
Oh, yeah

I Want Some Burgers and Fries

Tina, Gene and Louise - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee

(Gene:) I want some burgers and fries, I want some burgers and fries
Well, there's some right here
(Tina and Louise:) Don't you tell me no lies!

His Name is Lenny

Darryl - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee

(Gene:) Guys, I wrote a song for Lenny's party! Darryl, here are the lyrics.
(Darryl:) "His name is Lenny, it is not Jenny. One time he ate a penny, and he thought nobody saw." Is that true?
(Gene:) True enough. I changed the name of the guy who ate the penny from Gene to Lenny, and it was a nickel. And two pennies. And a tiny rock. All right. Follow my lead.

(Darryl:) His name is Lenny...
(clears throat) You know what? This key isn't working for me. Can we try it in E or D-flat?
(Gene:) No can do.
(Darryl:) Why not?
(Gene:) 'Cause, no know how to do. I can only play in this key. (plays chord) And I don't know which letter that is.
(recorder plays)
(Darryl:) Yeah, that's it! Here! Lemme see!
(Gene:) Uhhhh...

(Darryl:) (scats)
His name is Lenny, it is not Jenny
One time he ate a penny, and he thought nobody saw

(Tina:) Are we playing in the right key?
(Louise:) Oh, yeah!

(Peter and Rudy:) Whoa!
(Gene:) (chuckles) Well, that was a mess! Let's not do that again! Never! Right, guys? Uh, okay, all agreed.

Ms. Merkin Plays Gene Out

Ms. Merkin - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee

He's a-leavin' little early, but that's okay
He seems real depressed and a...

I Don't Need Music

Gene - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee

(Gene:) (groans) I don't need to be a musician! In fact I don't need music at all!
(Louise:) (sarcastically) Really? ((Tina:) What?)
(Gene:) Stop looking at me like that, keyboard! You know I'm right!
(Louise:) What would you do instead?

(Gene:) Maybe I'll be a baker, or a candlestick maker
Maybe I'll be a potter, or a teacher like "Welcome Back, Kotter"
Maybe I'll juggle or maybe I'll juice
Be a Top Gun and be friends with Goose
One thing I know for sure

I don't need music I don't need you anymore
I don't need music I'm gonna kick you right out the door
I Don't Need Music Anymore!

Ahhh! Why don't you take the hint and leave me alone?!

Keyboard, My Keyboard

Unknown - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee

Keyboard, my keyboard
Keyboard, my keyboard

BM in the PM

Tim - Eat, Spray, Linda

BM in the PM, she does her
BM in the PM
Not number one, number two
It's a potpourri for you and me, yeah (she does her)
BM in the PM, you gotta (BM, PM)
BM in the PM (When she gotta go, yeah, she gotta go, yeah)
BM in the PM (She gotta go, yeah, when she gotta go, yeah)
'Cause when she gotta go, she gotta go
She does her BM

I'm Falling for Helen

Teddy - Housetrap [1]

I'm falling for Helen and there's no tellin'
Just how far a fella can fall for sure-fitted, strong-armed, wild-eyed widow like Helen
Buh, buh-dah-dah, buh-duhm there's no tellin'
Just how far a fella can fall for a pill-poppin', home-wreckin' long-necked widow like Helen
Bah, bah-dah-dah, bump-ba Bah, da, bah-dah-dah, ba, bup (I'm falling for Helen).

Season 6

Engaged to Hugo

Linda - Sliding Bobs

I'm enganged to Hugo
Is that good? I don't know
As long as I don't think about it too much, yeah

It's Called Fate (And It's Great)

Tina, Gene, Louise and unknown - Sliding Bobs

(Ron:) Hugo, did you ever feel we were... meant to be together?
(Hugo:) Not... THIS AGAIN, RON!!!!

(Tina:) It's called fate and it's great, that's an easy way to remember it (x2)

(Louise (spoken):) No, no, no, no (Sung:) Shave Dad's face, (Ooh, ooh) Belcher kids are erased (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

(Gene:) If Dad's lip has no hair, (Ooh, ooh) we never come out of there (Ooh, ooh)

(Tina:) It's called fate and it's great, that's an easy way to remember it

(unknown:) Call it fate (fate) or destiny (destiny)
Fate, fate, fate, fate, fate, fate, fate, fate

Sneaking Out at Night

Unknown - The Land Ship

(Ooh) Sneaking out at night
Doing wrong feels right

Singin' a Song

Jim Skillman - The Land Ship

I'll sing you a song, a song I'll sing
Hi houy, singin' a song
Hi houy, singin' a song

A humid night in the early spring
Hi houy, singin' a song
Hi houy, singin' a song

The British were comin', muckenders were they
Hi houy, Hi houy
Rock it, boys

With only one ship, our ribs they did prey
Hi houy, singin' this song
We bellowed and blundered and twiddled our wobbles
Hi houy, singin'... (cuts to 20th Century FOX logo)

I Love U So Much (It's Scary)

Boyz4Now - The Hauntening

(Boo Boo (spoken):) Hey, girl
(Allen (spoken):) Yo, girl
(Boo Boo (spoken):) Halloween has gotten so commercialized
(Matt (spoken):) So many commercials
(Boo Boo (spoken):) Let's try to get back to what it's really about
(Matt (spoken):) What's it about, Boo Boo?
(Boo Boo (spoken):) Love
(Matt (spoken):) Oh, that's right
(Boo Boo (spoken):) Yeah

(All:) When I see you, I fall apart ...Like a zombie
I got too nervous to ask you out ...To the prom-bie
I wish I could make you mine
When I open my mouth I sound like Frankenstein

Every night, I stay awake... Like a vampire
I just wanna get close to you... Hold your hand-pire
I can't think of what to say, I sound like such a dummy
You make me come unravelled, just like a mummy

Girl it's freaky (howling sound)
My heart is weaky (hisses)
My teeth are extra sharp, my body's extra hairy
I'm running in the dark, I love you so much it's scary

Ooh, yeah, scary It's scary, girl. Rap time.

I close my eyes and you're still there
You're the girl of my dreams, nope, my nightmares
You're like Jason, Mike Myers, Carrie and Freddy
But I don't want to run away, I want to go steady

(Linda:) Is that a different Allen from the last video?
(Tina:) No.
(Linda:) Yes— What? Yes, it is!
(Tina:) No, it isn't.
(Linda:) They switch Allens sometimes, Bobby.
(Tina:) No. They don't.
(Bob:) Don't tell Teddy. That's his favorite one. He's a big Allen guy.

It's Halloween (roars)
I'm scared of the dark
Going door to door
To your mama's house
I can feed her
Got to get that candy
Gotta put in my bag
Whatcha have
Ooh, trick or treat!

Girl it's freaky
You trick or treat me
My teeth are extra sharp, my body's extra hairy
I'm running in the dark, I love you so much it's scary
(repeat)

It's Thanksgiving for Everybody

Linda - Gayle Makin' Bob Sled

(Linda:) Aw, family! Now come on! Let's ea— Look at the food! Look at it! Don't get too close! Wow! Don't get too close. Look at me.
(Bob:) Oh, God, what happened to the vegetables.
(Louise:) Survival of the Sweetest, Dad. It's nature's way.
(Bob:) Well, uh, they look... great. You guys really came through. I mean you cooked a turkey.
(Linda:) Woo!
(Bob:) All right, let's carve it! Oh, comes off... real easy.
(Tina:) As it should.
(Gene:) Mm-hmm.
(Bob:) Uh, is this thread?
(Louise:) Yeah. What do you use to sew your turkeys?
(Bob:) Should we not eat this?
(Louise:) Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it.
(Linda:) We could, maybe, no.
(Gene:) I'll eat it.
(Tina:) Hey, look who found a plate of microwave egg rolls!

(Bob:) (humming)
(Gayle:) No no no, somethin' with a little rhythm. It's gotta be jazzy!
(Bob:) (sighs) Okay. All right all right.
(Scats)
(Gayle:) There ya go!
Oh, look at him! He loves it!
(Linda and Gayle:) It's Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving for everybody
Except for Europeans

(Gayle:) (scats)

(Linda and Gayle:) It's Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving for everybody
Except for Europeans
(Gayle:) (scats)

Nothin' Better Than Nice Capades

Linda - Nice-Capades

Nothin' better than Nice Capades On Christmas Eve.

The Spirits of Christmas

Calvin Fischoeder - Nice-Capades

Well, the last present's delivered
And the snow outside's gettin' thicker
So let's open that bottle of liquor
Hey, bourbon, take me home

On bourbon, on vodka, on scotch and on gin
Take me back, let the North Pole dancing begin
It's my party I'll be naughty get more lit than a tree
Put that elf on a shelf, Merry Christmas to me

Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon

Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon, on bourbon, on bourbon

Oh, bourbon
Oh... bourbon
Ohhhh, bourbon

Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon bourbon bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon

Oh bourbon, Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Everybody now
Oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon
Come on, now.
Let's hear it, Oh bourbon! Yeah
Give me another one, okay.
Oh, bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon
Bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon

Bourbon, bourbon, bourbon
B-B-B-B-Bur, bur, bur, bur, bur, bur, bur, bur, bourbon
B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-Bour-bon
Bour-bon, bour-bon, bour-bon
Bour-bon, bour-bon, bour-bon, bour-bon
Bourbon
Bourbon for me

Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon...

Take me home.

The Nice-Capades

Louise, Tina, and Gene - Nice-Capades

(Louise:) Hello! This year was a banner year for us Belcher kids! We did so many nice things! Too many to list! So we're going to sing them to you! Take it away, Gene, my brother!
(Gene:) I did a buncha nice things this year, but one in particular comes to mind.

Taco Tuesday was the day at school
A day that always makes me drool
But when only one taco was left
I said "Rudy, friend, you take the rest"

But the only thing left to eat
Was nuggets from the deep, deep freeze

And then those reheated evil nuggets got mad and turned into an angry tornado! Oooh!
(Linda:) I made those nugget costumes. I made 'em a few hours ago, no big deal.
(Gene:) So I did what I had to do to save the world.

I ate the nuggets
I ate the evil nuggets, yeah!
I ate the nuggets
The evil, evil nuggets, yeah!

So that's something nice I did. And now I'm gonna hand it off to my handsome sister, Tina!

(applause)

(Tina:) I kissed my family on all of their cheeks
Then I took a little walk along the beach
A horseshoe crab was on its back
Nearly having a heart attack

I didn't kick it I gently nudged it back into the sea
I didn't kick it, it had all the right number of legs when I left it, yeah

The end.
(Louise:) Ahem!
(Tina:) Oh, right.

And then I took it home and fed it, then took care of it and then it went to college and now it's a celebrity chef with all its legs, goodnight.

(Bob:) (whispering) Lin, this is not going very—
(Linda:) (whispering) Breathtaking! It's just breathtaking!
(Bob:) (whispering) Yup. Right. Yeah. That's what I was about to say.
(Tina:) And now enjoy the stylings of my super-nice sister, Louise.
(Louise:) Nice job, Tina! I think he bought it!
(Tina:) I'm just glad it's over. I feel dirty.
(Louise:) That's the spirit!
(Tina:) Thank you. Oh.

(Louise:) I did so many nice things I can barely count 'em
I regrew the rain forest, and lost puppies I found 'em
I gave blankets to cold kids and ice cream to warm kids
Shoes to the shoeless, hair to the hairless
But the nicest thing I did all year...

Uh, nicest thing I did... I... the nicest thing... I did... I... I... I... (sighs)

I can't do this.
(Teddy:) (panting) What? What are we doin'? Do I still spin around? What do I do?! Oy gevalt.

You Read Her Diary

Linda - Nice-Capades

You read her diary, and tell the rest of us the juicy stuff
So we don't have to read it
Keeps our hands clean, oh, yes, it does

She's Bored

Linda - Nice-Capades

Oh, she gets bored of forecasts and more forecasts
I don't know why you watch that, Bob, she's bored

You Told Him to Put Away His Penis

Linda - Nice-Capades

You told him to put away his penis
And that was pretty cool

Amor, Por Favor (Me llamo Tina)

Tina and Louise - The Cook, The Steve, The Gayle, & Her Lover
(English translation in parenthesis)

(Tina:) Buenos dias, ¿Cómo estás? (Good day, How are you?)
(Louise (spoken):) Love is like a beautiful flower
(Tina:) Me llamo Tina (I call myself Tina)
(Louise (spoken):) But it can also be dangerous, like a tiger with a gun
(Tina:) El perro es grande (The dog is big)
(Louise (spoken):) I mean, look at Steve. Divorce. Pain. Nothingness. Sorry, Steve
(Tina:) ¿Dónde está el baño? (Where is the bathroom?)
(Louise (spoken):) Stay single forever, protect your heart, avoid guidance counselors. The end
(Tina (spoken):) Uh, (sung;) La, la, la, Spanish, la, la, la

It's Valentine's Day

Gene and Courtney - The Gene & Courtney Show

(Gene:) Happy Valentine's Day, Wagstaff-inopolises!
(Courtney:) If you think fish are just the grooviest...
(Gene:) Join the Club for Marine Life Enthusiasts!
(Courtney:) Wednesdays at lunch.
(Gene:) If peanuts make you itch and wheeze...
(Courtney:) Come and listen to the speaker on food allergies!

(Gene:) Wait. What's this? An announcement just came in.
(Courtney:) (whispering) What announcement?
(Gene:) It's hard to explain it. I-I'm just gotta sing it.

If you have good times, and if you have good rhymes,
You may have found your one and only
But then the one you like-like says "Take a hike-hike"
Then suddenly you're lonely
But still be glad, even if you're sad
Take comfort just in knowing
You'll be okay, it's Valentine's Day
Your heart's not broken, it's only growing.

(Ms. Twitchell:) (whispering) That boy's got a crush on me.
(Zeke:) (sobbing) He got me! Aah! I'm doing it! Oh, God, I'm cryin'! Oh, boy, I'm weepin'! These are tears, boy!

Cease and Desist

John Dylan Keith - Sexy Dance Healing

(Jairo:) This is my body feeling good.
(Bob:) This is my body feeling good.
(Jairo:) This is my bowels feeling good.
(Bob:) This is my bowels feeling good.
(Jairo:) This is me tickling you! Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle!
(Bob:) Stop! Stop!

Cease and desist, 'cause I know I can't resist you, baby
This is not just a chance to run or keep on doing my exercises, baby
Cease and desist, 'cause you know I can't resist you, baby
As you can tell by my wrist, I'm gonna keep on doing my exercises, baby

Do The Dirty Pigeon

Loren Bouchard and Chris Maxwell - House of 1000 Bounces

[vocalizing] Do the dirty pigeon, do the dirty pigeon (x7)

Two-Butted Goat

Gene and Zeke - Stand By Gene

Two, two, two-butted goat (x6)

Butt Phone

Critter - Wag the Hog

Talkin' on a butt phone, on a butt phone (x6)

Breaking Out

The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums

(Announcer:) Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Wagstaff's own puberty-positive players, the Hormone-iums! Featuring Tina Belcher!

(Tina:) New friends on your face, it isn't yucky
You're breaking out and you're lucky

(All (except Tina):) Breaking out

(Tina:) Can't keep it in any more (Breaking out)
You're bursting out of your pores (Breaking out)
It's simple, it's pimples, you've got inside-out dimples

(All:) You're breaking out

(Tina:) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Body Hair: Where?, There

The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums

(Angela:) There's something new on me and you
Brand new fur on him and her

Hair (Where?)
There

Mono Can Cause Death

The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums

(Tina:) There's nothing you're missing, if you're not kissing

(All (except Tina):) Kissing is so scary, it will make you ill-ow
So if you want to kiss someone, go on and kiss your pill-ow

(Tina:) I never want to kiss, even if I have great breath
Kissing causes mono and mono can cause (Spoken:) Death

No Kissing

Tina - The Hormone-iums

No, no kissing, kissing is the worst
If you kiss me, you'll end up in a hearse

Mononucleosis

The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums

(Tina:) I though kissing would be heaven
So I kissed a boy (All(except Tina):) Or seven

(All:) Mononucleosis has got you on your knees
Worse than halitosis, it's a kissing disease
All your bad decisions have kicked you in your butt
(Tina:) If only I'd kept my lips shut

(Frond:) We're ready!

Huggin' and a-Kissin'

Darryl - The Hormone-iums

Well, I don't know much about huggin' and a-kissin' and a...

I Love Charades

Warren Fitzgerald - Pro Tiki/Con Tiki

I love charades, it's a fun game, I could play all day (he loves charades)
Oh, got a little pee on the seat (seat)

Ooh, got a little pee on the seat but they'll never know (they'll never know)
Ooh, got a little pee on the seat but they'll never know it was me (never know it was you)
(That pee on the seat)

Tall Enuff 2 Ride Your Heart

Boo Boo - Bye Bye Boo Boo

I'm tall enough to ride your heart
Keep your arms and lips inside my car

If you have a heart condition, consult your doctor before riding
Don't raise the safety bar when the car is in motion
Don't be scared, girl, I will protect you and so will the safety bar

(Ooh) I'm tall enough to ride your heart
Keep your arms and lips inside my car

(Ooh) Do not attempt to exit the car until we come to a full stop
Oh, look, they're selling a picture of us on the ride
You look really scared, not me

(Ooh) I'm tall enough to ride your heart
Keep your arms and lips inside my car

Camp

Unknown - The Horse Rider-er

Camp! (hmm hmmm hmmm hmm hmm)(x4)
Camp!

Restaurant Camp

Linda, Gene and Louise - The Horse Rider-er

Restaurant camp is the best-aurant camp
All the rest of the camps just aren't
That's why dear old restaurant camp is in our little hearts

Yat Dat Dat Da

Jericho the Imaginary Horse - The Horse Rider-er

(Jericho:) Yat dat dat da, dat dat dat dat dat dat da
Dat dat dat dat dat dat da, da dat da!
(Tina:) Woo-hoo!
(Jericho:) Yat dat dat da, dat dat dat dat dat dat da
Dat dat dat dat dat dat da, da dat da!
(Tina:) Woo-hoo!

(Jericho:) Yat dat da, da dat dat da
A yat dat da-dat da!
Yat dat da, da dat dat da
A yat dat da-dat da!
Yat dat da, a ya dat da
Da dat dum da dat da!

Yat dat dat da, dat dat dat dat dat dat da
Dat dat dat dat dat dat da, da dat da!

Bad Stuff Happens in the Bathroom

Bob and Louise - Glued, Where's My Bob?

(Linda:) Uh-oh! We got customers! Gene, put an "Out of Order" sign on the door!
(Gene:) On it!
(Linda:) Good.
(Gene:) Wait. What should it say?
(Tina:) "Out of order. Dad stuck on toilet."
(Bob:) No.
(Gene:) What about "Out of order. Toilet cursed with evil"?
(Bob:) Kids, just stop drawing attention to the door. Go help your mother.
(Gretchen:) Hi, Linda! I'm ready to make Bob pretty. I brought my scissors and my tweezers.
(Linda:) Oh. Oh, hi, Gretchen! (whispers) Gretchen's here, Bob! She's gonna get ya camera ready! Kids, go wait on the other customers.
(Bob:) Everything's gonna be okay. (sighs) Everything's gonna be okay.

Bad stuff happens in the bathroom
I'm just glad that it happens in a vacuum
Can't let them see me with my pants down
Coasters magazine is gonna be my big chance now
But I'll be outta here in no time
I'll be doing interviews and feelin' just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
I'll do Coasters magazine and blow everyone away

(Louise:) Let's be clear
I did absolutely nothing wrong, I'm not to blame, it's not my fault
This is just to say
If Gene had pooped like every day, this would have all just blown away
But he'll be out of there in no time
No one's gonna blame me, I'll be doing just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
If Teddy can't unstick my dad, I'll find another way

(Jimmy Pesto:) Hey, where's Bob? I wanna tell him I can smell him from across the street.
(Gretchen:) Yeah, Linda, where is Bob? I gotta do his hair for a big interview.
(Jimmy Pesto:) Interview? What interview?
(Gretchen:) Bob's got a big magazine interview.
(Jimmy Pesto:) What, are they writing an article about guys with mustaches you wanna punch? ZOOM! Ha ha! I say, "Zoom" now. You like it.
(Gretchen:) Eh, it's okay.

(Bob:) Bad stuff happens in the bathroom
I'm just glad that it happens in a vacuum
Can't let them see me with my pants down
Coasters magazine is gonna be my big chance now
But...

(Louise:) Let's be clear
I did absolutely nothing wrong, I'm not to blame, it's not my fault
This is just to say
If Gene had pooped like every day, this would have all just blown away
But...

I'll be outta here in no time
I'll be doing interviews and feelin' just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
I'll do Coasters magazine and blow everyone away

He'll be out of there in no time
No one's gonna blame me, I'll be doing just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
If Teddy can't unstick my dad, I'll find another way

(Everyone else:) He'll be outta there...
In no time...
He'll be fi-i-i-ine...
Today is going to be a great day...
La la la laaaaaa....

Season 7

The Forgiving Type

Belcher Family - Flu-ouise

(Louise:) I used to trust my family
(All (except Louise):) We're sorry, so sorry
(Louise:) Now they're just a sham to me
(All (except Louise):) Did we mention that we're sorry?
(Louise:) Destroyed my favorite thing in the world
(All (except Louise):) This wasn't our best day
(Louise:) Broke the heart of this little girl
(All (except Louise):) You can slap us all in the face
(Louise:) No amount of slaps can make this right
(All (except Louise):) Oh, no, that's not good
(Louise:) I guess I'm not the forgiving type

Fortress is the Worstest - Part 1

Bob - Flu-ouise

That fortress is the worstest, and I think it's kind of cursed us
You can see it has immersed us in this darkness

I built a beautiful sun deck, up there in the trees
You could bring a good book there, and feel the gentle breeze
It had a lovely view of the vicinity
But then they built that fortress there and ruined it for me

Fortress is the Worstest - Part 2

Linda and Louise - Flu-ouise

(Linda:) That fortress is the worstest and it's really kind of cursed us
You can see it has immersed us in this darkness

I threw the best swamp parties
I'd serve wine and calamaris
And we'd drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and dink and...
(Louise (spoken):) Yup, got it, we got it. (Linda (spoken):) Hold on, I'm not done (sung) And we drink and drink and drink and drink Come on, everybody! Drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink all day!
But then the fortress made it dark and cold and that is not okay! Yeah!

Fortress is the Worstest - Part 3

Tina and Gene - Flu-ouise

That fortress is the worstest and it's really kind of cursed us...

Nobody's Gettin' In

Louise and Bad Kuchi Kopi - Flu-ouise

(Louise:) Inside of these four walls of stone I'm finally all on my own
'Cause nobody's gettin' in
No one's on the guest list, the bouncers are my two fists
No one's gonna hurt this gal 'cause nobody's gettin' in
(Bad Kuchi Kopi (spoken):) Scat break down!
(sung) Skiddy bop-ba, skiddy bop-ooh
Skiddy bop-bop, bop ba-bop ooh
Scatting dat dat, da da da dah!

Push That Button

Good Kuchi Kopi - Flu-ouise

You think living behind these walls
Means you can't get hurt at all
But that just makes it dark outside
And only you can bring in the light

There's just one thing that will make this right
Push that button, push that button, become the forgiving type

Flu-ouise

Unknown - Flu-ouise

I'm dreaming of a world where you forgive your family
You seem like a girl that would choose Good Kuchi Kopi over Bad Kuchi Kopi, yeah
That flu bug took you on a trip, a crazy tough ride
But the sickness made you better and I'm glad you didn't die

Flu-ouise (x2)

We're Going Saling

Linda - Sea Me Now

We're going sailing, on a motorboat
Do, do, do (multiple times)

Halloween's Coming

Linda - Teen-a Witch

Halloween's coming, kids are trickin', kids are treatin'
Ghosts gonna spook, pumpkins gonna pump, la

Witchy-Witchy

Unknown - Teen-a Witch

Ha, ha, ha, ha
Witchy-witchy, pumpkin snatchy
Witchy-witchy, cursed by Jackie
Witchy-witchy, eating candy
Witchy-witchy, Jack-O-Landy

Witchy-witchy, witchy-witchy
Witchy-witchy, witchy-witchy
Witchy-witchy, witch

Here Comes the Meat Plane

Jack Conway, Linda and singers - They Serve Horses, Don't They?

(Jack:) Here comes the meat plane (Linda joins in:) Right to your counter (ooooohhh)
(Jack:) Here comes the meat plane (Linda joins in:) Right to your counter (ooooohhh) (Jack:) ...again

(Jack:) Here comes Jack, walking through your doorway
(singers:) Here comes Jack, right through your doorway

Going to the Accountant

Linda - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?

La, la, la
Going to the accountant, gonna do our taxes
At the last minute, we're adults
Responsible adults, yeah!

Are You the One?

Tina - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?

The briefest of glances can start the biggest romances
Our eyes were doing the dances and they were making advances
When our eyes met, I was like hey, now I bet that Joe could be the one

Are you the one?

Gerald

Linda - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?

Gerald, I'm your friend
Through thick and through thin, we'll do it together.

It's Not Selfish to Love Shellfish!

Tim - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?

Nothing lifts a pal up like a scallop
It's not selfish to love shellfish!

Is That Spark We Had Gone?

Tina - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?

Is that spark we had gone?
I was once so sure, now I fear I was wrong

Thanksgiving Alphabet

Wagstaff School students - The Quirkducers

We're thankful for these foods we're eating
Here's a list of foods we're eating
A, apples A, apple pie


Women's Issues Club

Peter - The Quirkducers

I don't have a vagina, but I won't stop try'na, help women with their issues

Peelin' the Potatoes

Linda - The Quirkducers

Peelin' the potatoes, tryin' not to fart
I'll just let out a little one, it's my little secret

The Quirky Turkey

Gene, Zeke, Tammy, Jocelyn and Tina - The Quirkducers

(All (except Tina):) We're going to dinner, we're going to dinner

(Zeke:) Look at all of us ("these" is sung during credits version) plump and popular turkeys
(Gene, Tammy, and Jocelyn:) We're gonna make (Zeke:) Great Thanksgiving dinner guests
(Tammy:) Yeah, because we're conventionally attractive turkeys
Not like that quirky turkey over there
(Tina (spoken):) Hi
(Jocelyn:) Ew, don't talk to us (Tammy:) Yeah, go away, we've been invited
(Both:) To special dinners as special guests

(All (except Tina):) We're going to dinner, we're going to dinner
We're so glad that we're not not going to dinner
(Jocelyn:) Like that quirky turkey, ew

(Tina:) Why can't I be like the other turkeys?
They're all off ("out" is sung during credits version) having fun
Is it 'cause I'm scrawny and have glasses and rather smallish buns?
There he is, my crush
The most handsome pig, what a rush Yeah!
Man, oh, man, I dig that pig

(Gene:) I thought I was a guest, but they just want me for my breast
(Zeke:) Much to my surprise they're all staring at my thighs
(Tammy:) They all look starving and ready for the carving
(Gene:) Why don't they eat a pig instead? (Jocelyn:) Oh my God, ("Oh, God," is sung during credits version) they're chopping off my head (all scream)

(Tina:) I used to spend my time wishing for a plump behind
But now those birds with perfect bodies are decapitated hotties
I wished I was someone else but it takes guts to be yourself
Now I've got the guts, I've got the glory
I like my scrawny stuff and I'm here to tell my story
I've got the guts, do you have the guts to be yourself?

I'm happy to be who I am
Now I'm gonna see about a pig before he becomes a ham!

You Can't Spell Christmas Without Us

Linda, Oscar, August, Samuel and Randolph - The Last Gingerbread House on the Left

(Linda:) I can spell Christmas without a you
(Oscar joins in:) But that would break my heart in two
(All:) You can spell Christmas without me
But that would be a tragedy

We need S and U's this time of year, because...

Because we can't spell Christmas without "us" (x2)

Watching You From a Distant Place

Unknown - "Ex MachTina"

Watching you from a distant place
I'm calling you from my home base
My satellite's spinning right out of control
Transmission to the moon, now my message is go
And the moon is so cold, it's so cold
I can see food on your face
Watching you from a distant place

"Jimmy, Jr.'s Musoems"

Jimmy Pesto, Jr. - "Ex MachTina"

Dad, I used your cologne 'Cause you won't buy me my own

Cars All the different cars

My mom's new friend Allen, he's okay

Breakfast!

What if God's name was Todd?

Pants are pretty great

How am I supposed to learn about life when you won't let me watch The Good Wife?

Why don't you eat the mushrooms If they are so good, mom?

If you want me to catch then don't throw so hard

Animal Planet, what if it was real? (I mean an actual planet for animals)

My left shoe smells, but my right one's okay

"Sky Kiss"

Unknown - "Bob Actually"

Ooh, sky kiss (x3)

"Chef Cat jingle"

Unknown - "There's No Business Like Mr. Business Business"

If cats could cook, they'd cook Chef Cat.


"Cat Training"

Unknown - "There's No Business Like Mr. Business Business" [Chorus] Cat training, training a cat (x3) Put a lot of work in, get a little bit fat

(repeat chorus)

Chomp, chomp, chow, chow Meow, meow, meow, meow Ch-ch-ch-ch-chow

(repeat chorus)

"Theme from Winthorpe Manor"

Bob and Linda - "Zero LARP Thirty"

"Attention Humans of America"

Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"

(spoken:) Attention, humans of America
I am General Inzanity, and I have seized control, control, Control!

"General Inzanity Intro" (lyrics are in background after Bob and Gene exit auditorium)

Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"

Give my robots your guitars
The time has come to forget about who you are
Dig up those rocks and build my fortress

"Let My People Rock (Part 1)"

Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"

We don't need no rocks
Let my people rock
We are not machines
We like to wear tight jeans
You have no control
Let my people rock


"Fortress of Inzanity"

Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"

Instrumental with vocalizations

"Let My People Rock (Part 2)"

Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"

Instrumental

"Roll A Rock To Rock And Roll"

Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"

Roll a rock to rock and roll-a
Roll a rock to rock your soul A rock to rock and roll-a
Robots don't get rock and roll-a
Roll a rock to rock and soul your rock to rock and roll-a
YEAH!

Others

Cosmos is On

The Belcher Family - Bento Box Entertainment YouTube channel

(Louise:) We've got some new to share so let's have a talk
(Tina:) In March and April and May were on at seven o'clock
(All:) But it's not our faaaaaaaaaaault, it's not our fault
It's 'cause Cosmos is ooooooooooooooon, It's 'cause Cosmos is ooooooooooooooon


Stayin' Up Till Midnight

The Belcher Family - Behind Bob's Burgers YouTube channel

(Louise:) Stayin' up till Midnight
(Tina:) Stayin' up till Midnight
(Louise:) Stayin' up till Midnight, Uhh!
(Gene:) Stayin' up till Midnight, Uhh!

(Louise:) On New Years Eve its alright
(Bob and Linda:) On New Years Eve its alright
(Louise:) You get to stay up after Midnight
(Bob, Linda and Gene:) You get to stay up after Midnight

(Tina:) But I'm tired, uh so tired
(Louise:) No! Stayin' up till midnight
(Tina joins in:) Stayin' up till midnight
(Louise:) Uhh!
(Gene joins in:) Stayin; up till midnight
(Linda joins in:) Stayin' up till midnight
(All:) Stayin' up till Midnight (x2)

Beefin'

Linda Belcher - Adult Swim Promo

Bob's beefin'
Tina's beefin'
Gene and Louise are beefin'

Little old me is beefin' too
But I wonder
Who is beefin' who?
Aah

B is for Burgers

An Opera Singer - Adult Swim Promo

B is for the burgers that you gave me
O is for your onions, sweet and savory
B is for your buns, they're so impressive
The apostrophe s makes the whole damn thing possessive
Put it all together they spell Bob's Burgers

Real Songs

Season 1

If You Were Here

Thompson Twins - Sheesh! Cab, Bob?

Playing when Tina kisses Jimmy Jr.

Season 2

The Ballad of Gilligan's Island

Linda (written by Sherwood Schwartz and George Wyle) - Burgerboss

Linda hums the tune when she arrives at the yacht club.

One Way or Another

Gayle (originally performed by Blondie) - Dr. Yap (Episode)

Playing when Gayle attempts to seduce Bob repeatedly.

(Gayle:) One way or another, I'm gonna find ya, Bob
I'm gonna get ya, Bob, I'll get ya, get ya
One way or another, I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya ,get ya, get ya
One way or another, I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meet ya, Bob, I'll meet ya, meet ya
One day maybe next week, Bob, I'm gonna meet ya
I'm gonna meet ya, I'll meet ya

I will drive past your house
And if the lights are all down
I'll see...
Who's...

(Megan Mullally:) (normal voice, laughing) I dunno, so I thought I'd just...

Stuck in the Middle With You

Stealers Wheel - Moody Foodie

Plays while Reggie gives the Moody Foodie a wet Willie.

Fantasy

Earth, Wind and Fire - Bad Tina

Playing when Tina reads out her friend fiction to the school.

Season 3

Nisi Dominus

Vivaldi - Ear-sy Rider

Plays while Louise searches for her hat and ends up at the dump.

Amazing Grace

Teddy (written by John Newton) - Full Bars

Sung by Teddy (with erroneous lyrics) when he buries his guinea pig, Frances.

We Go Together

Courtney Wheeler (originally from the musical "Grease") - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene

Playing during a montage where Courtney attempts to get close to Gene.

Father Christmas

The Kinks - God Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins

Plays during a montage of Chet's window displays.

Silent Night

Unknown (written by Franz Xaver Gruber and Joseph Mohr)

Plays while Chet thinks about Nadine.

You're the Best

Hugo Habercore (originally performed by Joe Esposito) - Nude Beach

Plays during a montage of Bob and Hugo competing in the 'Nudecathlon'.

Concerto No. 2 in G minor, Op. 8, RV 315

From Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" - O.T.: The Outside Toilet

Plays when Gene activates the bidet function on the toilet. tune is later whistled by both Gene and Tim Jones (Max Flush).

Baby Hold On

Eddie Money - O.T.: The Outside Toilet

Plays when Gene says "that's what I call easy money", the toilet misinterprets it as 'Eddie Money' and proceeds to play the track. A cover version of the song performed by John Roberts plays over the end credits.

Fame

Irene Cara - Two for Tina

Plays on the radio while Josh and his classmates practice their streetdancing.

24 Caprices for Solo Violin, Op. 1 No. 4 in C minor: Maestoso

Paganini - The Kids Run the Restaurant

Plays during Bob and Mr. Fischoeder's game of Rock Paper Scissors.

The Star Spangled Banner

Tina (National anthem of the United States of America) - The Unnatural

Sung by Tina before the baseball game Bob organizes to prove that the Deuce is a fake.

Season 4

Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)

John Roberts (originally performed by C+C Music Factory feat. Freedom Williams) - A River Runs Through Bob

An easy listening cover of the 1990 hit plays when the camping couple begin their 'ritual trust', introduced as their ritual trust music.

You Oughta Know

Bob (originally performed by Alanis Morissette) - My Big Fat Greek Bob

Bob sings the song on the karaoke machine after joining the students for some beer at the frat house.

March No. 1 in D

Linda (From Elgar's "Pomp and Circumstance Marches") - Bob and Deliver

Linda sings about Teddy graduating to the tune of the "Land of Hope and Glory" section.

Jingle Bells

Linda, Tina, Gene and Louise (written by James Lord Pierpoint) - Christmas in the Car

Linda sings the song while honking the horn to get Gary (unseen at this point) to stop honking his.

Silent Night

Linda (written by Franz Xaver Gruber and Joseph Mohr) - Christmas in the Car

Linda sings the song after the clock strikes midnight, she is interrupted by Gary's truck reversing into the car leading her to sing "Holy craaap" rather than "Holy night". Second appearance in the series.

Night on Bald Mountain

Modest Mussorgsky - Easy Com-mercial, Easy Go-mercial

Plays during the Burgerzilla sequence of the family's commerical on the end credits.

Macarena

Unknown, with additional instrumentation from The Klezbians (originally performed by Los Del Rio) - Mazel-Tina

Performed by The Klezbians as part of the Bat Mitzvah entertainment

Chicken Dance

The Klezbians (written by Werner Thomas) - Mazel-Tina

Performed by The Klezbians as part of the Bat Mitzvah entertainment

Hava Nagila

Tina (traditional) - Mazel-Tina

Sung by Tina over the end credits, instrumental version plays during Tammy's hora.

The Streets of Cairo

Teddy (Sol Bloom) - Uncle Teddy

Sung by Teddy with lyrics about there possibly being underwear being in the pipe under the kitchen sink

Season 5

Dim All the Lights

Donna Summer (with Bob singing over) - Dawn of the Peck

Bob puts the song on while at home alone, he begins to dance and sing to it.

Adagio in G minor

Albinoni - Dawn of the Peck

Plays during Bob's soliloquy with the turkey baster.

Love Is in Control (Finger on the Trigger)

Donna Summer (with Bob singing over) - Dawn of the Peck

Plays over the end credits, again with Bob singing and dancing.

The Jack

AC/DC - Can't Buy Me Math

Plays on the radio while Bob stripteases.

Wonder

Natalie Merchant (sung by Teddy) - The Millie-Churian Candidate

Sung by Teddy over the end credits.

Ride of the Valkyries

Richard Wagner - Li'l Hard Dad

Plays during the helicopter battle, a reference to Apocalypse Now.

Maneater

Hall and Oates - Itty Bitty Ditty Committee

Sung by Darryl in the computer lab.

Up, Up and Away

Nancy Sinatra - The Oeder Games

Played during the montage of Bob defeating the other tenants.

99 Red Balloons

Nena - The Oeder Games

Sung by H. Jon Benjamin over the end credits.

(Fischoeder:) Ha ha! Don't hit my pants! You'll see the outline of my wiener! Oh, what the hell? Fire away!

(Bob:) Ninety-nine red balloons
Floating in the summer sky
Panic bells, its red alert
There's something here from somewhere else
The war machine springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
And focusing it on the sky
The ninety-nine red balloons go by
Ninety-nine red balloons go by

Ninety-nine decisions treat
Ninety-nine ministers meet
To worry, worry, super scurry
Call the troops out in a hurry
This is what we've waited for
This is it boys, this is war
The President is on the line
As ninety-nine red balloons go by
Ninety-nine red balloons go by
(falsetto) Ninety-nine red balloons go byyyyyyyyyyyyy

Season 6

Joy to the World

Traditional - Nice-Capades

Plays as a Muzak version at OMG Mall.

Good King Wenceslas

Traditional - Nice-Capades

Plays as a Muzak version at OMG Mall.

Just What I Needed

The Cars - The Hormone-iums

Sung by Tina over the end credits.

(Tina:) (blows) Mmhmm. Checking the wind. Floor's tilted one degree.
(Jocelyn:) Omigawd, Tina, go! My mom's gonna be back in 37 minutes!
(Tina:) Okay. Here we go.

I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time, time
'Cause when you're standin', oh so near
I kinda lose my mind, yeah

It's not the perfume that you wear
It's not the ribbons in your hair
And I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time

I guess, you're just what I needed (Everyone else: Just what I needed!)
I needed someone to feed
I guess, you're just what I needed (Everyone else: Just what I needed!)
I needed someone to bleed

Kissing is one of the great parts of life like dancing...
(Jimmy Jr.:) Yeah!
(Tina:) ...or rainy days, or those croissants Meryl Streep made in that movie. We don't have to not kiss. We just have to smart kiss. And now, I am going to kiss everyone in this row.
(Zeke:) Do what?!
(Frond:) Tina, no!

(Tina:) I guess, you're just what I needed (Everyone else: Just what I needed!)
I needed someone to feed
I guess, you're just what I needed (Everyone else: Just what I needed!)
I needed someone to bleed

Season 7

Beyond the Sea

Bobby Darin - Sea Me Now

Sung by Teddy over the end credits.

Ave Maria

Schubert - "The Quirkducers"

Sung by a student auditioning for "The Quirky Turkey."

Deck the Halls

Traditional - "The Last Gingerbread House on the Left"

Sung by Linda, Tina, Gene, Louise, and Teddy while caroling.

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

Charles Wesley - "The Last Gingerbread House on the Left"

Sung by Linda, albeit with erroneous lyrics.

Adeste Fideles

Unknown - "The Last Gingerbread House on the Left"

Sung by Oscar. Latin version of "O Come, All Ye Faithful."

Rock the Casbah

The Clash - "Ex MachTina"

Sung by Mr. Branca.

Stupid Cupid

Connie Francis - "Bob Actually"

Plays on the boombox in the beginning of the episode.

Rock Me Amadeus

Falco - "Eggs For Days"

Sung by Linda while Gene plays it on a stereo to help drive Big Baby Pudding Snatcher away so Bob could get the remaining rotten egg in the crawl space.

"(I've Had) The Time of My Life"

Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes - "Thelma & Louise Except Thelma is Linda"

Sung by Bob and Teddy during the End Credits Sequence.

"Dancing on the Ceiling"

Lionel Richie - "Mom, Lies, and Videotape"

Sung by Linda during the End Credits Sequence.

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